FrankenSnow and The Seven Igors

A funny Halloween parody of the classic fairy tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Once upon a time, there was a royal pain in the neck, with a face that could match any mother-in-law: She was the vampire queen, and she lived in a beautifully horrible castle. One awful day, the vampire queen was looking at the mirror, and asked, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most ugliest woman of all?!” and then the mirror asked, “Why, my beauty, you are ugly, tis true, but your stepdaughter, FrankenSnow, is far more uglier than you, and she gives Jodie Whittaker a run for her money!!” 

   The vampire queen became very angry, and she has sent for her hunchbacked henchman to try and…er…do something awful to FrankenSnow…So, pretty little ugly FrankenSnow was taken to the woods by one of the vampire queen’s henchmen, but he became so very smitten by her heavenly ugliness that he just did not have the heart to…do something awful to her. So the hunchbacked henchman told FrankenSnow to run farther into the forest, in which she did…

   Just then, FrankenSnow sees a wonderfully despicable cottage; She opens the door, and finally learns that it happens to be the house of seven men; Just between you and me, this is the house of seven little Igors, you heard me right: SEVEN IGORS! 

So, little FrankenSnow became very tired, and then she began laying down on the seven beds; Just then, the seven Igors came home after a horribly good day’s work, just to find that FrankenSnow was lying on all seven of their beds! She wakes up and tells them that she had been hiding from the evil vampire queen and that she needed a place to stay. FrankenSnow’s most beautiful ugliness was charming enough for the seven Igors to offer her a place to stay…
   Meanwhile, over at the vampire queen’s ugly palace, she asked the mirror once more, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most ugliest of all?!” and as usual, the mirror replied, “It ain’t you, babe!” “But how could this be?!” the vampire queen snapped, “how could FrankenSnow be alive?!” and the mirror replied, “How the heck should I know, do you ever see me complain about my mother-in-law?!” This made the vampire queen very angry. So, she went down into the moat and went fishing; She caught a fish, and then put a potion called “Everlasting Sleep” (because truly, nobody wants to upset the kids by killing someone with poi-son, son); into a needle and injected it into the fish, then puts the fish into the basket, disguises herself as a beautiful blonde lady (Jodie Whittaker, eat your heart out) and takes the basket that has that fish inside and walks into the forest…
   Now, at the cottage in the forest, one of the seven Igors told FrankenSnow not to open the door for anyone in the house; While she was cooking and cleaning, FrankenSnow saw a rather beautiful blonde woman crying on the ground because she has injured her foot or something or other…FrankenSnow offered her to come into the cottage to rest. The lady, who is actually the vampire queen in disguise, offered FrankenSnow the fish; She became very happy to take the offer of the fish from the lady, eating the whole thing up…and then, FrankenSnow fell asleep. Geez, we just could not ever believe that she ate that whole thing…
The vampire queen then went back to the wonderfully wonderful horrible palace and looked in the mirror and asked that very same question as before, and of course, the answer was just the same as it ever was, as the queen looked at the mirror and saw that FrankenSnow had been awakened by the FrankenPrince by removing a piece of fish from her mouth; He saw that he asked FrankenSnow for her hand in grand marriage, in which she did! The royal vampire queen then gave up the royal life and went on to become a housewife in New Jersey…(for all that we know.)

And so, FrankenSnow and FrankenPrince were finally married, with the seven Igors becoming the seven best men, and they all lived horribly ever after.
                                    THE END