dying inside

written about my medical condition and the medication addiction i have for pain killers,,

dying inside

they all say it'll get better tomorrow 

but it leaves me to wonder 

what happens if tomorrow never arrives 

will i truly be dying inside 

or am i stranded in this world of drugs 

fighting a battle of no end 

one that holds many in place 

with the stress showing on their face 

like this morning when i woke 

i looked into a mirror half broke 

i seen things in two views 

one winning another to lose 

why is it so hard to change 

when you want to so much 

what is it about this disease 

that holds you prisoner 

when does the end appear 

with out all the fears 

i fight hard to escape 

and always end up back in this place 

were life paints a pictures of a shattered life 

struggling against my own being 

while snorting and shooting the next fix 

to ease the pains of yesterday, today and whats to be 

lost forever inside me 

it's some thing i can forever see 

a change is in sight 

yet remains out of touch 

can you tell me the reason why 

when ever i open my eyes 

the first thing on my mind 

is busting a pill to fill my need 

hurting those who love me most 

cause i can't just let it go 

i know i'm strong but some thing inside 

holds me in place while dying inside 

if you have the answer that i seek 

please tell me what i need 

a pill isn't the answers to dreams 

it's a trap that holds me in place.