Memory

My son wrote this and this is his first poem. I think he has talent beyond his years for being so young. I welcome feedback on this talented piece.

I remember much more now
Left alone to ponder

Lest there are not many
more surfaces to scratch

As life's meaning begins to fracture
and wane, I am left
stumped and confused as to our origins

I then feel indifferent
towards my fellow human beings
as I did when I was but a child

Loving, yet cautious
Looking for their answer relentlessly

They need it as much as they do structure
Now knowing the search is in vain
I wish only to forget

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

As a first poem this is very good and it shows your son is able to articulate concepts in few words. His structure us good and a bit of crafting will improve the piece. Stanza five for example would read far more fluidly as:
'Loving, yet cautious
Looking for answer relentlessly and stanza six 'they need it' should be 'they need them' plural.

[Ansel Reid]

I would like to express how wonderfully the first part of the poem is structured. I am unable to replicate the delicate movements of the repetitions that drive this poem. But since the second part is more sombre this rhythm dissipates. I understand that the ending is just abrupt ly enough. I think this is a wonderfully woven piece.

[Emma Lee-Riviera]

First of all, HOW OLD IS YOUR SON, THIS IS HIS FIRST, WHAT?!?!?!?! O_o Holy mother of the Poptart Kingdom, that's fantastic!!!

It's brilliant, it really is. Achingly melancholy... a sweet sort of sadness... Wistful? A perfect word does not exist. (Thoughtful, creatively brilliant, artfully solemn...?) I am in awe. Your son is a gem, but I'm sure he's heard that before. ;) Get that kid a contract!!!

[justjenn_2u]

He is early 17 and homeschooled but agnostic. You rocked my world with your thoughtful review. He is going to open his own page and return every review. Sweet words. You are realistic and made me SMILE.

[Emma Lee-Riviera]

TELL HIM TO ADD ME PRETTY PLEASE, I WANNA READ ALL HIS THINGS!!!!!!!!!!! O_O

I'll read anything, if you send me a message. (My read request box is looking a little... enormously full. Heh. ^_^;) Take care, both of you.

[Emma Lee-Riviera]

Oh, I missed one part: I'm agnostic, too. :)

[justjenn_2u]

I will tell my awesome son. He is beautiful.

[Distant horizons]

Lifes origins and meanings will always stump us. Pondering those/ our meaning is what keeps us going , questioning, pondering and wondering.
Thought provoking words, with lots of we'll structured points, that will keep us,all thinking.

[Wolfwind]

I love how young folk are so much more free and in tune with the universe and the world around them. I love this piece of poetry, because it speaks of the wide awareness young people have, as it has yet to be obstructed by the masses of society. This piece also speaks to me of how youth come across questions and queries that they simply can't answer on their own. These words also speak to me of how young folk are often intense in their focus, but just as powerfully change gears and walk towards a different thought.

This was an amazing piece of poetry. Two Thumbs up to your son!

Great Ink!
Aaron

[Ronald J Chapman]

Thank you for the privilege of letting me read your son's poem.
I know by reading this. that your sons has talent. I hope to see more from him.

I liked these lines the best.

"Loving, yet cautious
Looking for their answer relentlessly"

[zainul]

Great write indeed.
Seventeen is pretty old.
This is a very productive age for some writer.
Bengali poet Sukanta Bhattacharya wrote awesome writes at such age.
Unfortunately,he lived up to 21 years only.

I completely enjoyed the piece.
Please help him post this piece by his own name.
Please help him to open an account today.
Let the lovely bird fly with his own wings.

Thanks for the read request

[Marie]

I like this review, Zainul. I did not review the poem, because I could not think of anything tosa. I I have turned my Read Requests off, and I resent it when people review me privately to ask for my opinion of a poem. I didnot know, as you seem to, that this boy is 17. I wrote better poetry than this when I was that age, and I was a very bad poet. But you are kind, and said only nice things. I am sorry Shukanta Banerjee died to young; I'm sure he would have been a great poet.

[zainul]

Thank you Marie for the kind words and compliments for the boy and me.
I regret for misspelling the name of the poet which came in your review.
I tried to correct the spelling which should be Sukanta Bhattacharya.
I am sorry for such inadvertent fault.

Dear Marie,may I request you to kindly post some of your early works?
I lost most of mine and lament for the bitter-sweet things.
Thanks for joining the conversation.

[justjenn_2u]

Marie, I have read much of your work and you need to learn punctuation. You lack a knowledge of where and when to use your punctuation for years of writing. I am quite astounded. More than this, I am disappointed a supposed poet would come and put a first time 17 year old writer down for his first piece which took him 20 minutes. How dare you. You have much wisdom to learn and perhaps he could teach you some wisdom if you can look past your simplicity. Don't visit my page because I disagree with pessimistic people such as yourself who try to trample a young person's dream. CArry on with your one or two line poetry and believe in yourself. Wrap a large poem up with complexity and then visit me again. Peace out. There are lots of language course online for you to take advantage of and yes, I type this in the dark.

[Shane Mohamed]

This is very interesting. It definitely is stark and gloomy in a genuine manner. I had to read it more than once to absorb it; it's full of depth. It is as if the narrator had done something or gone somewhere he later on came to regret. I enjoyed it very much. Your son is very talented. It's an "A" for me. Thank you for sharing.

[Katherine S.]

This is very nicely written, and you can tell it must have a deep, emotional meaning to him. He'll definitely have to write more, he certainly has talent.

[Gregory Stires]

great poem.i love the depth in and how u can tell it came from his heart.

[Clockwork]

I think that there are some real gems in this piece that really show that he has the sort of eye and heart it takes to be a poet. I think one of the things that stood out to me was how meditative he was in that first stanza. He is not afraid to ponder and search for the truth of why we are here. That is apparent to me in the first stanza of this poem. I think the other thing that stood out to me was fifth stanza. He is cautious there, but I interpret that stanza as he is searching for truth and he is trying to spread love.

Also, I'm impressed by the tone of this piece. He seems to have an older poetic voice for his age. Sort of like he has seen beyond his years.

After seeing this piece, I would encourage him to keep writing and exploring like in poems. Just keep testing out words and observations and see where they take him. Also, does he keep a journal? I think that would be a great tool for him to write all of his observations down.

Thank you for sharing this with me, and I truly hope to see more poetry from this young man in the years to come.

[justjenn_2u]

BEST REVIEW YET> this will INSPIRE HIM and he will personally email you back tomorrow.

[Clockwork]

I'm glad about that :-) It always makes me happy when people start writing.

[justjenn_2u]

He will absorb this.

[Clockwork]

If you guys would like any other opinions or anything like that, please feel free to let me know.