Her War

Shiny shards spread as colors from childhood kaleidoscope

Unfeigned disaster becomes insecure girl's solitary hope

 

For so long her life passed exploiting her impulsive nature

As inscruptable scars soon collapse her delusive stature

 

She was meant to learn a lifelong, embedded lesson

For fleeting self gratification soon becomes a poison

 

She once found pleasure in the inhaled intoxicant

But soon her mind became jaded and intolerant

 

There is no lasting joy found in multiple incidents

For soon withdrawals are no longer coincidence

 

Shiny shards have pierced her inner soul

Life passed by as she lost all self control

 

Small pieces of each evil self infliction

Lead her to begin her battle of addiction

 

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

Overall, it's not a bad poem. The intention is well represented and apparent throughout. However, although I realize that you were attempting to dwindle the poem, as your protagonist is dwindling herself, you may want to take the rhythm into consideration. An example of what I mean is in the following stanza:

She was meant to learn a lifelong, embedded lesson
For fleeting self gratification soon becomes poison

Instead, try this on for size:
She was meant to learn a lifelong, embedded lesson
For fleeting self gratification soon becomes a poison

By adding "a" that one little word transforms the rhythm of the stanza into something with a beat. Otherwise, it's like the poem misses a step.

[larryb]

I thought the poem was good, life is what it is you cant candy coat it, but what the f**k do I know lol

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

Addiction....I have to agree whatever the addiction is trying to break free from it is one of the hardest things to do. A good write about an inner struggle....!

[Shadows of Sight]

You have captured that inner battle well! Even though I can't relate. I've known many who can, and through their tales I can sympathise with the inner battle you must face on a day to day level.

I like the word choices and the way they brough home a very real and powerful image.

thanks for sharing Jenn
Hugs and Strength to ya
Nature's Essence

[Kasey Klein]

Hi Jenn, good to hear from you.

I found this walking on heavy feet; likely just me, with my heavy eyes.

I'd like to see you spread your wings and try a different topic.

[Celtic Cat]

gah. It's painful to read. Especially having recently read several pieces on one substance that everyone praises and I sometimes join in on those praises. The truth lies here, in this piece. There is no worse thing than addiction that I have known. Whether it is addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, negativity, people, shopping, gossip....you name it, I've seen it. And most likely, I've lived it. Except for the gambling thing...I know I'm not lucky enough to win.

It's amazing the power of addiction. It seduces you like a shelter in the middle of a storm only to become the storm itself. Very good words you've woven about a fight too many are familiar with. Stay strong, be well, and above all....keep writing!!!!! Much love~~ Wonderful, beautiful words.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Just like the title of the poem implies, "shiny shards" also cut at me, as I read this piece. It pierces to the soul. The intensity blinded my eyes and left me spun around in circles.

Overall, this piece is good, just like all of your self manifestations, and I feel, above average. I feel some parts made me a little lost, some were not as clear, as if the poetic entity in you took over. lol which is good sometimes. I like the sadness in this piece. I think many peoploe only like happy poetry, and don't like rants, but I believe not all poems have to be upbeat. As humans, we can be a kaleidoscope of emotions, and for me, i respect others who are not afriad to reveal themselves in such an intimate form. It's not easy going through the rough times, let alone writing about them, and showing them to the world.

You are one of the better ones on the site at doing this.

your cafe friend,

kena

[Barbara Walker]

Good title, Jenn. For this war, the line," She was meant to learn a lifelong embedded lesson" is so true. Addiction is a lifelong battle. Very well chosen words. ..."Fleeting self gratification soon becomes a poison" hitting the nail on the head! Anyone with an addiction of any type can identify with this, Jenn. Well -written! Barbara

[Jason]

You know how things rings true for me. "Small pieces of each evil self infliction

Lead her to begin her battle of addiction"

so true...

Great job Jen

Jason