What's the truth?

And in that moment of blissful happiness with the sun playing with the tips of my hair and the wind lightly pecking my cheek and being surrounded by the laughter of the friends and family I smiled and thought, so this is it. This is me in this moment right now in this reality. And yet there were still gray clouds in the distance where the sun did not shine and there were still strands of my hair that the sun did not touch and the wind was still grabbing the back of my neck in a chokehold grasp that didn't let me free and there were still strained squinted eyes hidden behind the laughter of the deep down broken relationships, and yet still I saw the true warm hearts that glowed at me and the love that glittered in their eyes and my hair was still yellow from the light Suns touch and my cheeks felt the swift winds kiss. I struggled between the known and the unknown and the depths that I fall into and can never seem to escape. And in that moment, I smiled outwardly at the jokes being told and the carelessness being thrown around and I cried inwardly for the piece of me that would always stay locked in a cage with no key.