Without you

I will go into it first
Where I was last seen
But one evening raises a cloth to the countryside
And on the way behind the forest edge
And the forest, he is so black and empty
Alas for me, oh me
And the birds sing no more

Without you, I can not be
Without you
With you I am alone
Without you
Without you, I count the hours without you
With the seconds you are
Without you

On the branches, in the trenches
It is still, and without life
And that reminds me breathing so difficult
Alas for me, oh me
And the birds sing no more

Without you, I can not be
Without you
With you I am alone
Without you
Without you, I count the hours without you
With the seconds you are
Without you

Author's Note

I'm not good at poetry. I was listening to this German song (Ohne Dich by Rammstein) and it sounded nice. So I translated it in my own words and ............. well............ I arrived at this. Feel free.

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This infact after the read was exactly appearing like a song lyric to me...And got it confirmed after reading your note...
Well..Amazingly written.I loved the repetition of "Without you" time and time over again..
It increased the overall flow of the poem a lot.

And even emotionally this is a very deep and meaningful piece..
And for the fact that you are actually not much into poetry....So this is really a tremendous piece according to me..

Keep writing more of the poems like this..
:)


-Bhavya

[Legion]

Has a haunting feel to it. And a longing as well.

[Valentine]

When living without the one cared for most in your life..it is not living at all..God bless..Valentine

[Imperfection]

I could sense a lyrical quality in this even before I'd read your note at the bottom.

On the branches, in the trenches
It is still, and without life
And that reminds me breathing so difficult

I love these lines most of all.
Nice one.

[lAcEy_LoO's Poems Site]

I like this it really good and that cool that you can take song lyrics and translate them into your own kind of potery!!!

[youngwriter222]

you good at poetry, you did a good job on this. Espically the way you used "without you" in repitition.
Maybe this should be a song!

Kepp writing I enjoyed this
Sarah

[Autumn Starberry]

Coolio! I really like this and loved the repetition of the line 'Without You', because repetition is one of my favorite parts of poetry, though I rarely do it. That's why my favorite poem is 'Anabel Lee' by Edgar Allen Poe.
Good Work!

[Brenda Sue]

Almost sounds like it could be a song. Wonderfully penned. Great job.