DEAD: Heartbreak and Guilt

Guilt and Frustration of a dead lover

Dirge of the midnight

Sadness in every word

Pain pumped in the heart

She curse the day she fell in love

 

Darkness in the sunshine

Madness in the moonlight

Tears of a lifetime

Anger in the graveyard

 

I died

I died!

I promised her a forever after

But... I died.

 

I took away her hope

Left her alone in a world so cold

Without joy, to forever mope

'Cause I died

 

How do I tell her to drop that knife?

How do I tell her I'm not gone?

How do I tell her about the tiny heartbeat in her womb?

How...?

 

I'm dead...

And it hurts

Author's Note

please review honestly

Reviews

[xx]

"Anger in the graveyard" - I love that. There aren't many poetic fragments that stay with me long, but that one just rolled off my tongue and is still rolling around in my head, bumping against all the nooks and crannies. It's an apt description of the regret or the bitterness one would feel, unable to do anything at all, restricted to merely watching the goings-on without being of any use.

It's a tragic story, the one nestled into these lines, the woman mourning for her dead lover, unaware that his only remaining living legacy is alive and well inside her. It's a sad, sad thing, the inability to see the things that are so critical, that could make all the difference, between even life and death, whether figurative or metaphorical.

Just one minor little thing - the last line of the first stanza. You might want to edit that tense error there; I think that was just a simple misspelling, so I have no doubt you'll find it easy to correct.

Good work, and keep writing! :)

-Mina

[AK]

I loved the emotions, amazing! The feeling are so heartfelt. If there is anything I've to say, it is that I think the last line is a bit off the rest of the poem. Everything else is written in poetic, vivid English in contrast to this line in colloquial English. But again, it might be your style. Keep the good work up!
Akanksha Suresh

[Jyango Ryudo]

I luved it! S full of passion and kindness and gentleness!!!!! Btw I luv the last line lo,

[Stammers]

Dirge of the midnight - well, if that isn't a good first line, I don't know what is.

This was somehow, and don't ask me to try and locate my reasoning, because I can't, Shakesperian. It seems lyrical simplicity like the above, that is so usually very badly done, can still be written with great effect. It is a very dramatic story, and in which case, I feel your last line might benefit from a different word other than 'sucks'. But this really suprised me. Its very well done.

[Kat Wildd]

incredible poem, well done!

[Trusting]

This is a straight forward poem. To be honest,it isn't that vivid. But don't worry,poems aren't,usualy,meant to be vivid. Poem is just a work of art from within in the heart.

[Who Cares]

This was really powerful and had a ton of emotion. You are a talented writer. Your imagery use was geat and I loved the meaning of the poem.

[Abd-afeez]

Its so sad and i felt myself feeling her pain and you know what that means? It means you painted her heart weariness so so much. My favourite line remain.
'How do I tell her to drop that knife?'
Wonderful content, beautiful expressions, and awesome style. Keep it up.

[Hiddenfire]

I read frustration and anger and even a little hate at the way the world works but I wouldn't say that I quite got sadness from this piece. Which isn't a bad thing, in fact I think that's part of what makes it a little bit stronger than if there was a lot of sadness. Nicely done in my opinion.

[Davey Jones]

Such passion in such a sad poem