~Chapter One

The dark splotches in his vision finally dissipated and, lifting himself upright, he held a bruised hand to his head that roared in pain.  What happened?  

Unsteadily, he picked himself off the ground, slowly beginning to recall that he'd had a couple more beers than he'd been accustomed to the night before with his friends.  So that's all it was.  A hangover.  

But then something lurched suddenly within him. 

My friends.  

In a slow, robotic motion of terror, he turned on his heels, his face already as white as a sheet.  There he was met by the catastrophe of mangled cars and bloodied, unrecognizable bodies.  A scream climbed to the top of his throat, but he couldn't open his mouth.  

His breathing became shallow and rapid as he stumbled backward, a sudden pain in his chest, threatening air from reaching his lungs.  

Everything flashed back before him then-- the red light, the unexpected oncoming car, the screams, the blood, the-- he turned away, unable to bear the scene a moment longer.

Already, the whirring of an ambulance sounded somewhere off in the distance.  The sound reawakened him to reality.  His bloodshot eyes became alive.  He had no idea where he was, but one thing was clear.  I have to get out of here.

Adrenaline coursed through his veins-- adrenaline and something else-- fear.  A fear of what they could do to him.  You're a murderer, a voice somewhere inside him accused.  He broke out in a sweat, remembering crying out to his friend to stop the car, then the sound of metal hitting metal screeched through his ears.  He blocked out all the sound, only one word ringing loud and clear from his conscience now: Run.

Yet he stood frozen in place, as still as a statue, his gaze drifting off in the direction where the ambulance sounded, definitely closer than before, then to his left where freedom cried out to him so loud he could almost hear it.  Is it too late?  He glanced over at his friends, his face constricting in agony, his fists clenched at his sides.  Not one of them was breathing, he knew that much.  But, unlike the fate that befell them, he still had a chance.

His heart slammed in his chest.  Would I be a coward if I abandoned them now?

His eyes found the horizon.  Dawn was quickly approaching now.  Desperation filled his senses.  

What do I do?

Author's Note

The suspense... o.0

What do you think of the first chapter?! Please review and continue to keep reading. It's too good to miss now.

Reviews

[Norma M Sutton]

It's a good, mysterious start :)

[Kelly M.]

Thank you:) I've finally posted chapter five!

[Krystal Nicole]

Very mysterious!! I have no idea what's goin on, but I'm good at solving mysterious! I will find out lol!!! very well written! Good job!!! I dont have any ideas about the title, but if i come up with anything, I'll let you know!

[Kelly M.]

Haha, then let me know if you've figured it out;D I can guarantee it's going to be a great book, thoughh! Soo excited about it:)

[Yina]

Ooooo this is gonna be an awesome book!!! You've got me pumped!:) I got so into it I didn't notice any mistakes ao don't ask me:P lol

[Kelly M.]

Thanks so much!! I honestly didn't receive your review until just now, and am glad to see you are reading it!! :)

[Yina]

Hey:) I was happy to read it:) haven't been on in a loooong time tho!

[Kelly M.]

Aww I hope you'll be on more often!!:)

[Yina]

I plan on it:)

[Kelly M.]

Yay!!

[Yina]

:)

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

Oh my gosh, beSITE this is soooo good!!! I don't even know what to think about it all! It's already so mysterious from the prologue to this!!! But I love it!!! I love the way you describe everything in all of your books I feel like I'm there watching:) PLEASE HURRY AND WRITE MORE!!! Haha Oh, btw I'm working on chapter 4!!

[Erinne S.]

Kelly, this is an awesome start to your book! I am definitely mystified and can't wait to see where this book takes us all. :) I am sure you have lots of great ideas and I am also excited about the topic you chose. It will make for a great story line!
There are a few grammar errors for you to fix, but nothing major.
"Her shaking hand reached up to grasp a small wisp of hair on her forehead as she gazed back unblinkingly at the image in the mirror. The faded strand of brown hair was the only thing to keep her from crumbling into pieces on the floor and sobbing." These were you first two lines in your story and there are some missing commas. You need one between 'forehead' and 'as', one between 'unblinkingly' and 'at'. Also, instead of saying 'to keep her from crumbling' I would word it 'keeping her from crumbling' It keeps your tense the same and also help with the flow a little better in that sentence.
There were other sections that needed commas as well, but some proofreading will help you spot those! :)
Also, be careful with starting out sentences with the words 'and' or 'but'. It is okay to use them, but try not to do it too often, especially when you can use another word to replace them or combine them with the sentence prior to them.
One last thing... in some sections you tend to get a little overly descriptive. Example: "She felt a tight knot in her stomach as she made her way to the door where other students were already gathering; most of them in too much of a hurry to notice her, which she was relieved." Sometimes, when you add too much information to a sentence, it takes away from your story and becomes unnecessary information. A little detail is always good, but if you provide too much in certain areas it gets the reader lost or confused.
Other than some easy fixes for you... You did a fantastic job!
I can't wait to see where this story ends up :) You are so talented at writing and you should be really proud of yourself!

~Erinne

[Erinne S.]

"He hadn't changed, even when she was inflicted with her leukemia." I forgot to put in the above review that the word 'inflicted' doesn't quite fit in this sentence. I would choose something more like infected (or something along those lines)

[Kelly M.]

Thanks so much, Erinne! I'll get to that right away. :) Hope you're enjoying it!

[Erinne S.]

I am enjoying it! You write so well :)

[Kelly M.]

I've gone over some things... hopefully, I've corrected everything necessary. Also, as for commas, I'm not sure what would be considered unnecessary and necessary? I don't remember, grammatically, if you should put one before an "as", for example, because that breaks up the sentence too much. I always seem to add too many, but who knows!

[Erinne S.]

It's all very hard to explain (use of commas and stuff) I get confused as well with it all. If you are missing a few... oh well. Lol down the road if it is published someone will let ya know exactly where you need them and where you dont need them.

[Kelly M.]

Haha, true! I think my mom could even be my editor, haha!

[Karli]

You’re doing a great job of keeping the readers in suspense, and telling us a detail without giving away too much. That’s pretty hard to do, believe me, I’ve tried. Anyway, I LOVE it so far!

[Lover Of Words]

I love the start of this and I am excited too read some more!

[Kelly M.]

Thanks for reading! :) Also, I posted a short prologue before this first chapter, if you've read yet-- it's quite important to the story!

[Lover Of Words]

Ill have too go back and check it out