Lost in thought

not sure yet

I don't know much about the world so I often keep my opinions to myself. Luckily for me there are plenty of voices up here to help me form my own opinions. Many times its hard for me to know which one is actually me. It can be scary not knowing who you are or why you aren't the same you from day to day. The important thing is to know which thoughts to trust and which to throw away as wild thoughts. Sometimes this is simple, such as when you are standing up high looking far below and a strange voice says "leap". Luckily, and much more loudly than that voice, all the others scream "NO, why would you do that". The strangest thing is that the voice saying leap never responds, its as though it came from the void, and the only way for it to contact you is when your mind is staring into the very abyss itself. 

Where did all these thoughts come from, why can I have an internal argument with points and counterpoints, often ending in a stalemate leaving me unsure which side to take, having belief in both. Is it true what some religions believe, that we are reincarnated? Am I discussing what to do with my life with my past selves? Why is there always a voice whispering to look out the window into the night, and why does it only get more loud when you do? I've heard that life is just a journey to find who we really are. Maybe when we are born we just pick up more and more of our past lives. More voices to help guide us through this life, some of them more helpful than others. Some of them terrifyingly cryptic...

"Where are you?" 

"Why are you there?"

"Is that really where you want to be?"

"Do I even have any other options?" Of course those voices don't answer me. All the while my head is teeming with internal dialogue, occasionally to the point that I do not notice the world around me. My friends have to repeat themselves around me too often. I am sure they just think I have hearing problems, or maybe too much wax build up in my ears, but usually it's the chorus of voices in my head discussing many topics that have nothing to do with anything around me. It's like a philosophy convention in my mind, but the mathematics convention that was supposed to be in the next room over all showed up here because there happened to be flooding in their room, so now the two groups have to jam into a single place. I used to think I have ADHD, maybe that's what it is, but if that's so I am very lucky for it. Sure I can occasionally spiral into deep spots of despair, and I never did homework back in my school days, but if my mind was just a single line of thought I'd never develop any interesting theories. I wouldn't wonder about those voices in the void. I wouldn't be here now doing what I am doing, because I wouldn't be me, and we like me.

Author's Note

I don't know what to do with this or if I will just leave it as is, but I find these thoughts interesting

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

made me chuckle reading the wry humor in your closing ... your musings and perusings are so relateable to me .. i am an introvert to the max ... so the journey within is integral to my being ;) scaring to peer into the void ... when darkness piques our attention and we give it ... danger danger danger says i! i am an old man now but i do not forget the struggles of identity in my youth ... i am grateful now for the struggle ... there is peace and assurance to be found .. if we sincerely seek the truth ... it will be revealed ..most often a complete surprise ... :) the voices you speak of hint at a symptom of schizophrenia ...an illness i think we all cope with .. only on different intensity levels ... the edge of which you speak of in your poetry .. where perhaps genius lay ... perhaps add to your questions "why why" "why what" and "why who" .... if you really want to wrestle with the conundrum :))))))) loved reading ... my cup of tea ... you offer so much in the way of thought .. thanks for sharing
E.

[Robowriter]

Your responses are truly inspiring E. Thank you so much for the kind words I'm very glad we've crossed paths!

[Einstein Noodle]

me too Robo... see you 'round the good ol' Cafe' :)

[Wild Rose]

Been there afraid to speak out > was what I had to say interesting or would it add to the discussion
By the time I had sorted that out the moment was over
People who I thought to be clever (at the time) I later found them to be just as dumb - just liked the sound of their own voices

Leave it as is Then later you can look back > was that me > did I write this
See how you have changed