All About Me: John Goes to Court (short story)

This is a writing i had to write for school. I seemed to like it so i'm sharing it with all of you. In this, i'm spoofing court and politics with stupid-dim witty humor.

    John has been on trial for a week. He’s a fourteen year old boy. Now, John is in the court room, waiting to hear his conviction. John is on trial for suspicion of vandalism.
    “Dad?” says John.
    “Yes son?” says John’s Dad.
    “I don’t think that donkey should actually be a juror. Jenna tells me he hates me.”
    Jenna is a fourteen year old girl in John’s school. She’s also one of his best friends. The Judge stand up.
    “The jury has been in that deliberation room for hours”, comments the judge, “and I’m hungry. I have massive diarrhea and my head hurts.”
    “Ummm… thanks for the information?” answers a guy in the background.
    The Judge sighs, “No problem!”
    “Dad, what if they have a reasonable doubt about me?” questions John, “Because I didn’t even vandalize anything.”
    “What does that mean?” questions John’s Dad.
    “That means if, in the minds of the jury, a doubt exists which may have arisen from the evidence, or lack of evidence, a doubt that would exist in the mind of a reasonable person after fully, fairly, and carefully considering all of the evidence, or lack of evidence”, says Jenna, “and John, you never know. The donkey may have an acquittal.”
    “Oh, okay. Well John, I think when we get home, if you‘re not convicted, I’m going to cross-dress. I’m going to put on your mother’s clothes and go outside to mow the lawn”, says John’s Dad.
    The judge over hears the conversation John and his dad were having.
    “Whoo! How wonderful! I like to wear my mother’s clothes.”
    The court room stays quiet for several minutes.
    “I was just getting that out there”, says the judge trying to save himself the embarrassment.
    “Ha ha! My dad was kidding and you weren’t! Ha ha!”, laughs John.
    “Ummm, yes, of course John, I was kidding”, replies, the embarrassed, John’s Dad.
    Tony walks into the court room. Tony is an obese, Italian kid, who wears a red t-shirt and a red hat.
    “Sorry I’m late John. I saw this Wendy’s restaurant on the way here so I had to get some food”, says Tony.
    “Well, did you bring me anything?” asks John.
    “Yes I did”, Tony replies, in the process of sitting down.
    “Where is it?”
    “Oh, I ate it on the way here!” Tony has a smile across his face.
    “Oh…” says John disappointedly.
    “I think they are a hung jury”, comments the impatient judge.
    “What makes you say that?” questions Jenna.
    “I was just trying to break the silence, and also I wanted to make a little more noise to cover up the fact that I just broke wind.”
    “Ew”, says Jenna.
    “So John, are you sure you didn’t graffiti tag the tenement?” questions the judge.
    “No. No I didn’t.”
    “I can’t believe the prosecutor was using that contempt of court thing. The nerve of that guy. I believe he had this court fixed from day one. Probably he has an alibi and is planning something devious”, states Jenna.
    “Yum! This cheese burger is delicious!” yells Tony.
    Just then the foreman walks through the door.
    “Oh my God! It’s my friend! The donkey!!! I’m so happy, you’re going to set me free, and then me and you can buy some condos on a private island. Just me and you”, says John in excitement.
    “You! I HATE YOU!!!” screams the donkey pointing at John.
    “I love you too!” says John. He turns to Jenna, “Told you he loves me.”
    “Well, you’re one lucky guy, John”, says Tony.
    “Whatever”, says Jenna.
    The donkey hands the verdict to the Judge.
    “The verdict reads ‘We the jury find the defense, John. Not guilty”, says the Judge reading the verdict. “So what do we do now?” questions the judge.
    “Well me and the donkey live happily ever after”, says John happily.
    “UGH! No!” Says the donkey and he walks away.
    “Well, it looks like I’m going to slip into your mother’s clothing, John”, says John’s Dad.
    “Ooo… Me too!” Says Tony.
    Both Tony and John’s Dad go out the door, skipping.

Author's Note

I hope you guys like it. It's something I never did before.

Reviews

[Legion]

I think my head hurts. What a very, very, very, very, very, very strange piece. Funny though. :)