Lied

Are the covers really safe?

Tucked safely beneath the covers

The most innocent of illusions takes flight

Drenched in the warmth of cotton

No evil shall touch this night.

 

But as I wander aimlessly

Through the labyrinth within my head

Searching for sweet thoughts

To carry me off to bed

The perils of this innocent illusion

Become sparkling clear,

Evil is lurking right here.

 

This foul adversary is malicious

Insidious to the core

Following no rules or regulations

He pays no attention

To whether its day

Or whether its night;

Evil will claim your soul

Whenever he likes.

 

Tonight’s the night he comes for me

I can tell by the urgent scratches

Ripping at my closet door

Pulling the covers tighter

Clinging to my life

Choking on the rancid taste of fear

I can almost see his words

As they cut through the dark

Riding on his stale and stagnant breath

           

“Mephistopheles has come for your soul.

            Child, you can not hide.”

 

Who ever said the covers were safe…

Lied.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading. Reviews are welcome.

Reviews

[Imara]

On first reading I notice that you start out with a rhyme scheme then you lose it. Did you do that on purpose?our third stanza was flowing so nicely then these lines ind of mess it up, "To whether its day/Or whether its night;" Rephrase it in another way maybe to help keep that awesome flow you had going.
Overall I love this dark poem and the fact that it sends us back to our childhood makes it even scarier! I know we've all hid under the covers before I don't care who you are. I love this, the word choice, the flow is amazing (expect for the previously mentioned spot) and you ending is perfect. A great way to tie it back together! And it begs the question who told us that hiding under the covers would protect us? Awesome job! :)

[Kristin Lee]

Hi Imara. To answer you question, the poem goes in and out of rhyme on purpose. It's a tool to reflect the fear flitting through the dark. When we are happy and calm we tend to rhyme. When we are afraid our minds are more spastic. And the stanza about evil is particularly broken because evil doesn't take just one form, it can look like anything; so again the loss of rhyming as fear creeps in. yes these are very deep and intentional placements of emotional word use/play within the poem and they will throw many readers who are not looking for the subtext. But that's what I wanted :) I'm glad you saw the visual distortion and stopped to ask.

Thanks so much for stopping by a giving your thoughts. I appreciate the overall awesome review.

[Imara]

Ah! That makes sense I was wondering about that. Makes sense, using the form of the poem to further express its meaning is not something I frequently see on here. I'm impressed even further. :)

[s y e]

Your covers are NOT safe! I don't trust my covers, before I sleep I surround myself with pillows, haha.

Anyhoo, this write was great, I really enjoyed it and thought the wording and structure was great. This was such a chilling read! Really spooky, ill literally never trust my covers again.....

~ Sye

[Kristin Lee]

ha ha. Clever girl, sleep with pillows instead!

[s y e]

Haha, already do! :-P

[Zelle]

i simply loved it! keep writing! :)

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks so much

[B-poet]

Chilling yet very written for all inquiring minds that would like a more indepth analysis about evil. Great job. A compelling read. :)

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you!

[Frieda P]

Very spine tingly read, my monsters were real, covers would hardly help. Excellent write.

[Kristin Lee]

Sorry that your monsters were real. I had some that were real, and others that were not. This particular write was a pun about my brother dressing up as Freddy Kruger and hiding my closet, then coming out right before I fell asleep and saying, "Kristin, I'm going to get you!" Scared the crap out of me! I was 6. LOL. But yes, I too have had real monsters that covers would hardly protect from. Thanks for stopping by :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Creepy, in the best sense! I am glad that this is not the last thing I am reading before going to bed - I don't trust my covers now... Great write!

[Kristin Lee]

I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you.

[Astro]

Chilling and excellently penned. Like the Pic and the ref. to Meph. One question, did you mean to use the word 'the' in this line or, should it be 'to'? "To carry me off the bed" I know either work, it just seemed odd by the end it seemed clear staying tucked under the covers was the plan to avoid "Evil's" due. Like it a lot though.

[Kristin Lee]

Good eye :) and thank you, I did mean to say "off to bed." Thought you'd like that reference to meph.

[Astro]

Glad I could help. I did indeed enjoy the cameo of Mr. M.

[Dhaye]

This is spine-chilling!
Well, you are great in making this eerie piece. Nice imagery. I remember when I made my first dark poem "Come to the Dark', I am afraid to choose the picture of a monster and so I chose one which only shows the dark.
Nice job!

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks Dhaye :)

[Cool Handless Luke]

Added on my birthday - how ominous! Very stark with a nice play of imagery. A dark and gloomy piece. Nicely executed.

[Cool Handless Luke]

no pun intended!

[Kristin Lee]

Hahaha, well happy birthday! I'm sure no one will claim your soul today :)

[Cool Handless Luke]

knock on wood. thanks!

[Jack...]

Very creepy, the mind can ceratinly play tricks on you especially when you are a child, the sad thing is, some children do have to deal with monsters coming into their rooms at night and there is no cover or blanket that will protect them. Very good Kristin, you are quickly becoming the Queen of the Macbre...I mean that as a compliment.

[Kristin Lee]

My brother scared the crap out of me once...he dressed up as Freddy Kruger and went to my closet door, waited till I was almost asleep and then started scratching on the door, poked his head out and said, "Kristin, I'm going to get you!" Talk about not being able to sleep! So yeah, between my brothers pranks and being the one who found my mom's body as a kid, I know all about covers not saving you from what lurks in the dark. Thanks for the awesome compliment :)

[Jack...]

You are welcome my friend.