AMENDS

02 04 - 09 04 04

I.

One hand fights off the nature
like a mad scientist
One thumb seeks out the tight mouth
instructing with a lisp
I have no feelings in my hand
it was invaded by trust
My conscience sent my friends a proxy
working under codename Lust
I had to snatch security
from sleeping enemies
I am far too insecure now
to claim friends
A slave to change I've been since
I've been all alone but happy
Change insinuated there was someone there
with whom to make amends

II.

I now tend to this high pad
like a thane's pre-kingdom castle
with a gleaming knife and guilty conscience
for all visitors who bring a hassle
My tub's too small to take a bath
This is no place to lay down still and naked
And those who come in need of cleansing are too late
if all they've done to date is fake it
But I myself do nothing free
of order, save to breath the air
An act of conscience of necessity?
It just depends
A twisted feel I need to survey these conditions
and my place within, and while it's at it
tap the shoulder of the one
with whom to make amends

III.

I call it the hermit's apartment
Tempt me not with too high an escarpment
for I'm as drawn to gravity as rain
cried from a sky depressed and inclement
or the high priest of hedonists
who hurls at the sun a conscience
that is neither his nor his flock's alone
but a ball of both stitched together with their sins
And like the priest I must look up
instead of straight ahead
Who knows which one extreme he craves
out of the pair which he attends?
And if his sun does not
incinerate the evidence
and the hermit's apartment shrinks into a plank
will there be enough time for them to make amends?

IV.

The sight that feeds the clean and sober
mind dishes up a dirty world
Sweet marinara, chocolate icing
bubbles into toxin when unfurled
in the wavy borders of the body
Open every orifice as wide as will be spread
It doesn't matter for the acid will supress itself
and live in those who stop at wishing they were dead
So do you want a healthy body
or a healthy mind
Think about it; time betrays
an exerciser who pretends
to be fit and be able to exterminate
the devils of contention
making all acquaintances believe as well
as see the gift to make amends

Reviews

[Mercury Rising]

Hmmm. Thought provoking, most definitely! Great poem, and looks like you worked hard on it too.

Making amends isn't always the best thing, perhaps, especially if a person is dealing with someone who abused them (sexually, emotionally, economically, or physically). It's better to forgive them rather than confront them with that idea in mind. The one in the wrong should make amends, and then each go their separate ways without continuing the relationship.

On the flip-side to this, however, if two people have wronged each other in some way, and they've been longtime friends prior to the incident, then making amends is rightly in order based upon that past friendship. Sometimes it's difficult to move through, but why would two friends apologise and say they forgive, only to go their separate ways forever? I think that's so sad when it happens between people who once really did care about each other. To me, that is far from making amends! :) (Sorry for being so opinionated!:))

[kublakhan27]

Haha It's quite alright my friend, I like when my writing stirs up opinions in people, and I agree with all you've said...for the record, I spent parts of seven months on this...over half a year...to this day it's one of the longest stints I've ever spent on a poem. So glad I was able to stir up so much emotion with this piece my friend, and thank you for the in-depth review, it means a lot :)

[Frieda P]

Like a literary lasagna, so many layers of gooey goodness! Somewhere between the lust, gleaming knife and devil's contention, I had a feeling you have trust issues Benji. This packs so much into an exterminated view of madness, you ran the gamut here and turned it upside down and sideways, I'd expect nothing less from your pen Steve. Time might betray but you never do in your excellent poetic verses dementia. Bat shyte crazy good my friend. ;-) x

[kublakhan27]

Haha I think I crammed as many of my issues into this one as I could Mrs.R ;P I spent parts of an entire year working on this one just to get the rhyme scheme right and so on. I wish I could get back the mental discipline I once had to take on projects of this degree. Thanks so much Mrs.R :) xo

[Frieda P]

A year? Are you serious, no wonder you're insane Benji! ha...that would definitely drive me mad...;-P xo

[kublakhan27]

Well parts of a year haha I'd certainly go mad if I tried to spend a whole year on the same piece ;P xo

[Frieda P]

Too late...ha ;-) xo

[kublakhan27]

Haha Good point ;) xo

[Frieda P]

I KNOW ;-) xo

[kublakhan27]

Haha You would know as well as anyone ;) xo

[A. Amos]

Great write KK, specially the ending you nailed it....

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much A :)

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome

[Abdul Batin Osman Bey]

I like how each poem adds another layer to the one before it like a layered cake the first bite is nice,the second is better until the last bite is amazing.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks, this was one of the more ponderous things I've ever written...it took months literally to get this one out :P

[B-poet]

Great story line set up. This is one of your strong suits. The ending is satisfying as well. Great work. :)

[kublakhan27]

Thanks, I'm glad you like it...this one was a long-term project :)

[The Random Writings Of ..]

This is amazing, I am liking the dialect here, the thought process of making amends. I also like the underling of the words it really pops at the message you are trying to get across. And breaking it up into separate sections really adds to the whole piece. There is talk of hurt and pain, and trust that had been broken, so I am wondering here - just a thought is the writer making amends within himself/herself? Or with all? Interesting prescriptive it could really go either way. But I love the inner struggle that is being fought here. Wonderful piece! Thank you so much for sharing!

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome :) I think there are attempts at making amends with various things in here, both within myself and beyond lol...that was a contributing factor in numbering the sections...I also wanted to leave the door open for a possible song adaptation in case I ever met a musician or something odd like that lol...either way, it is a personal favourite so I'm glad you like it :)

[The Random Writings Of Me..Kates]

Oh yes I do! That would be incredible for a possible song adaptation. I could see this!

[kublakhan27]

:D I guess my dream job would be to find a band that needs or wants a lyricist...then I could be an artist and an entertainer at once lol

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

There is the blue pill and the red pill, for sure. But this, this is the clear capsule and the contents therein thrives and squirms, alive with collectors of rent long overdue. Letters in need of extra postage are returned to sender for remediation; for consideration about the base requirements of travel toward the intended destination.

[Androglossia]

For me, this is more like a poetic debate. The only difference is that you don't hear the counterpart:) The content in the other hand is deep and again, it challenges the intellect. But I think it is about virtues, the practice of professing beliefs, inner feelings and feelings of today's system, organizations, society etc. I could be wrong here but that's how I understand it.

[kublakhan27]

That's a pretty accurate summation of it, as much as it can be summarized at least cuz I'm not quite sure about some parts myself, as far as any kind of predominant moral goes. I've long believed I have a split personality so that counterpart may very well be that other part of me :P Again, I'm glad it challenged you and that you enjoyed it :)

[Androglossia]

You're very welcome:)

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

*____* wow... This is beautiful, amazing, wonderful, outstanding, excellent, and greatly written. You are a #1 writer :D *gives #1 ribbon*
100/100

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much...that means more than you know :D

[∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿]

Welcome ^_^