I WROTE SOMETHING

02 21 11

I banished my muse
to mute-happy land
erased what I felt
and wrote what I knew
an epic that would have compelled you
to fondle my hair and undress
my identity girdled in crisis
something that would have unfurled
the fist of your heart
and pumped it with pulse
I wrote what would make you speak
But how many epics are there in our world
exiled in drawers and attics
versed in the ominous dust of the right time
maybe unearthed past the prime of their worth
if only to lure the lucre of royalty
to the unearther
With destinies lost in each other's translation
loneliness penetrates me like a heroin needle
for you'll never read
the epic I wrote for you

Author's Note

A revamped version of "When I Was Young."

Reviews

[TLK]

"something that would have unfurled
the fist of your heart
and pumped it with pulse" -- excellent. I love the feeling of your authorial agency over someone else's heart.



"loneliness penetrates me like a heroin needle
for you'll never read
the epic I wrote for you"

The 'heroin needle' is an excellent metonym -- it brings to mind the shame of addiction, the uncontrollable nature of habit, and the jerking joy of the opiate hit.

It really grounds the whole poem in a dramatic kind of emptiness.

[kublakhan27]

Yes, one must be cautious when dealing with strangers...it's very easy to fall in with the wrong crowd...again, I'm glad you were able to really tap into the emotional core of my works and thank you :)

[TLK]

I'll keep reading, this is good stuff.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you for the support, and I do intend to work my way through your catalogue as well...it may not be today but certainly within the next few days^^

[TLK]

Don't sweat it. My little bovine words can wait. They have endless fields of commas to eat in the meantime.

[kublakhan27]

Haha yes commas can be mischievous little tykes at times.

[Brandon Mathis]

the title is perfect and the poem is awesome i like it a lot nicely done

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much^^

[afra]

such a lovely and sweet write ......well done

[kublakhan27]

Thank you :)

[The Random Writings Of ..]

For you'll never read the epic I wrote for you - I love the epic! It is such a ambitious word - which of course means the same thing lol. But is's like bigger than life. Better. I get a more upbeat feeling from this piece, although I know there is pain rattled within the writing, although it is almost like you are rubbing it in their face.
For example -
"my identity girdled in crisis
something that would have unfurled
the fist of your heart"
I love this part - yes you talk about identity girdled in crisis - but the fist in the heart - a punch in the face! I absolutely love the title!!! Again it's like you are sticking it to 'em :) here take this - I banished my muse, but I am writing what I know - there is your muse.
As always you never cease to amaze me with your writing! Fantastic!

[kublakhan27]

Haha well there was a lot on my mind when I wrote it and so there is a lot in the words...it might be one of the most thematically-loaded things I've ever written, which is saying something :)

Yet I never considered the possibility of an upbeat interpretation but upon reading it with that in mind, I suppose it does open the door for a measure of hope...maybe I'm just not expecting it anytime soon, as the resignation was the predominant emotion...of course you did find the snarl in it, even though I thought it was buried pretty well under all the other emotions lol :) That's a good thing though...it shows how in tune you are with what I'm saying...very few people have been able pick apart my work with the precision you do...again, that's no exaggeration :)

Thank you for the support as always...I'm glad you like my stuff so much :D

[The Random Writings Of Me..Kates]

You are welcome! Let me clarify when I say upbeat - Mad maybe? Rough and tough? This is just a fantastic write, you relate to my feeling so well. Have a great day my friend!

[kublakhan27]

Ah I see, yeah that sounds like my kind of upbeat LOL Thank you again, and hope you great day as well :)

[Abdul Batin Osman Bey]

Sad and Romantic, I like the line Loneliness penetrates me like a heroin needle, it seemed to stand out to me for numerous reasons but the image stands out and it's perfect. The whole poem is perfect

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much, that image seems to be the most popular part with readers lol

[BIIKAY]

great write hun! i enjoyed ut and loved the 3rd and 4th line that was cool!

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Beth, I'm glad you liked it :D

[MOON]

Lovely write stories untold untouched,not penned or read. Lovely poignant write.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much^^

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

I too, really like this. It is extraordinarily lucid, poignant, and honest... a rarity in this jungle of writers. Excellent words, bound together with fine quality sentiment that should stand the test of time for all readers.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you my friend, I'm glad to know it resonates with you that much.
(This is actually a rewrite of one of the first things I ever wrote, so there's like a decade between "When I Was Young" and this. I rarely bother with my early stuff but I'm re-considering that principle now XD )

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Well, not to sound too preachy but I think you'll find that digging things out of that old steamer trunk will serve you in good stead throughout the remainder of your writing career.

I believe there is only one caveat with respect this practice - a little truism that as time passes seems more truth than 'ism': "Not everything that falls out from between our ears is fit to publish." And by that I mean think carefully before you subject the world to the forces of your intellect. Consider carefully the consequences - like that banked billiard shot upon which your lunch depends.

[kublakhan27]

Yeah I should go back to the early stuff more often but I always seem to get distracted by other things...I'm also embarrassed by much of it, to the point where I don't even wanna look at it again lol I never forgot about this one though and I knew I wanted to revive this one someday.

I know what you mean about the publishing deal but that was also just one aspect of this piece...I'd like to think this one is wide open for interpretation. I've actually taken a break from trying to get published...it got too frustrating in light of the rave reviews I get for some things here :P

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Heh! Ayup... Well, when it comes to 'getting published', I think it's always good to have some metric for success. Is it going to copies sold, editions in reprint, world fame, glory, or wealth? With few exceptions the sub-goals seem to be mutually exclusive. And then there's getting 'poetry' published where less than 1% of authors "sell"; notice I said "sell" and not "are published." But, as for "getting published" in general - as June Carter said, "Every dog has his day." ... keep on barking! ;-)

[marlayesterday]

I love it. As a hopeless romantic, I get it. And it is sad to think of all the wonderful works that go unread. I have a friend that writes very beautifully, yet is too afraid to put herself out there. Great work!

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much, I think it requires a hopeless romantic to get really dialed into this one :) read moreThank you so much, I think it requires a hopeless romantic to get really dialed into this one :)

It's so hard to get published these days, even when you get praise from other people, which is really frustrating x_x But I guess a decent poem came out of it in this case lol

[Pen--]

The magnitude of beautiful vocabulary you used did make this poem quite arousing, and I enjoyed reading it.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much :)