THIS DUMB THING

02 18 99

Now, there's good and bad in darkness,
Too bad you can't see it.
It would have been cool
To catch the murmurs with your mouth
And spit them right back out into the crowd
Like the pre-pubescent fish who got a break.
One's bound to be abreast of the pale matter
Stealing the loser's breath
And calling the lover's death
And this dumb thing is going nowhere tonight.
At least you'll have peace in your valley
So long as your guts and gates stay closed.
As always,
it'll be me
to turn the lights on and split.              

Author's Note

Old and dated. Like me.

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

*blink blink* Wha...?? A pre-pubescent fish? Okay, I'm not even going to be all ridiculously pretentious and say things like, "Spectacular imagery" and "Clever use of the words 'pale matter'" because I have no freaking clue what any of this means *laugh* What I will say, though, is, for a piece that was absolutely LOST on me, it certainly held my attention...I am here, a half hour later, still pondering the damn thing. So...I guess, in retrospect...the imagery was spectacular and, really, what a clever use of the words 'pale matter'...exceptionally well done.

;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha well this is a pretty old piece so I still had a ways to go with my imagery and making it cohesive...the prepubescent fish would be one that's allowed to return to the water since it hasn't grown enough yet to be considered edible...so I can certainly understand the issues one might have with it but I'm glad you still liked it :)

[KAOlmsted]

:-D I actually did! I'm still scratching my head, but by-f*****g-god, I actually did like it. *laugh*

[kublakhan27]

lol well as long as you like it, that's all that's important to me :D

[NANCY MCCORMACK]

I agree with her I really liked it and some of these lines stand out so well

[kublakhan27]

Many thanks :)

[That_Girl]

More like bold and uhh.... elated! XD I like it, the tempo is quick, matching your sharp wit. Spit, fish, guts.... Love those. Simple but they pack something. It's clear... I love it. :)

[kublakhan27]

LOL Elation eh? Sounds like fun...I hope I get to try it someday o_o I was kind of expecting this one to fly under the radar so I am glad you like it...I still had a ways to go stylistically speaking, but it does serve as a pretty good preview of where I was gonna go, which is the only reason for it being here...I rarely "spit out" anything that goes back this far lol :)

[That_Girl]

Mmhm! For sure! lol The first word that came to mind that rhymes with dated was 'hated'. Imagine the look of sheer horror as I tries to find a different word! Haha

You can tell it's not the most brilliant think you've ever produced but it's still great. Haha spit some more! I enjoy it apparently. XD

[That_Girl]

*tried

[kublakhan27]

LOL That's okay, I probably was hated in some circles at the time, or maybe just irritating on the days that I behaved ;P I'm now giving some serious though to revisiting the archives more often but I don't think you'll see too many more raw excerpts...too embarrassing lol And the editor in me wouldn't stand for it anyways :)

[kublakhan27]

serious *thought* lol

[That_Girl]

Dude.. puh-leeze. This is better than most of the bullshit I've managed to come up with. lol well, I'll just wait in the shadows, eager for the next raw, crack addict edited, old piece. ;)

[kublakhan27]

LOL Raw, crack addict edited...I like that one :D You sell yourself short though...there are elements of your writing that I would love to possess...I mean that now...no lip service intended, nor any saucy irony in the expression "lip service" ;P

[That_Girl]

Haha that's what my friend calls me, his crack addict editor. XD Haha well thank you, love. I do appreciate that. lmao uh huh... suuuuuuuure... ;)

[kublakhan27]

lol XD You're very welcome, and trust me, saucy irony is hardly my specialty lol ;p

[That_Girl]

Hahaha you can't be THAT old! XD kidding kidding haha

[kublakhan27]

It's okay LOL I'll say this much though...I've been getting carded for at least a decade, so I clearly don't LOOK that old :D People tell me it's a compliment but it's a pain having to pull it out constantly if I wanna do so much as put a toe into an adult establishment lol x_x It's also a pain being told ad nauseum that it's a compliment :P

[That_Girl]

Hahaha I still get carded for cigs and so does me roommate who is almost 28 lol forget clubs... haha

Meh... it can be a compliment unless the bouncer/cashier is just a raging a*****e trying to make your life difficult. -_-

[kublakhan27]

Oh I haven't been anywhere near a club in ages cuz I have had some encounters with the proverbial Scums Of The Earth LOL And we have a casino nearby which a couple of my friends have an affinity for, which is basically a home for Scums In Uniform x_x I'd like to say how thankful I am for the lobby they have but I can't even enter that in peace...but all things considered, it's more an inconvenience than anything...I've actually been able to get into some things at a cheaper price so I guess I shouldn't complain too much :D

[That_Girl]

Haha I usually avoid clubs as well... Mostly because I need a fake ID to have any fun and that's a hassle lol

Ahh casinos... I've only actually been to one and had to be careful (was 17 at the time). The people were insane... Serious. You glance at 'their'aching and it's like the start of WWIII! Plus I count cards... So I just take all my friends money and stay out of casinos heh.

[kublakhan27]

lol So you can understand what a hassle it is...it's probably an even bigger hassle for you then o_o Yeah I hate the place :P and it's almost all old people so it is indeed a very serious and unwelcoming place...I'll bet counting cards and taking friends' money is much more fun haha :P

[That_Girl]

Oh it is!! Haha they just think I'm lucky. Pssssh. As if. ;)

[kublakhan27]

Hehe ;)