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The Risk You Take

The Risk You Take

A Poem by laceyjane23
"

a poem about the risks of drinking and driving.

"
 
It was a warm summers night.
I remember it clear.
I drank a soda.
While you had a beer.
 
You promised we wouldn't stay long.
Laughing and talking the hours rolled on.
Best friends since we were tikes.
Playing dolls and riding bikes.
 
Doing things we liked to do.
Since the beginning its been me and you.
The night went on, the party wore down.
I was ready to go, you were no where to be found.
 
I stepped outside ready to go.
I started towards home, walking real slow.
I was thinking of all the good times we had.
I didn't see the car swirve, it hurt real bad.
 
Now as I lay here on this pavement thats damp.
Wondering what happened, the pain starts to cramp.
Where are you now that I need you the most.
I think of the party and your birthday toast.
 
Don't you wonder where I am or if I'm o.k.?
I hope I make it to see the light of day.
My vision is getting blurry, my body is weak.
I turn my head just in time to hear you speak.
 
You step into view, I focus on your face.
Tears in your eyes, I feel your embrace.
You mutter apologies, and cry even more.
I look at your face and ask what your sorry for.
 
You look at me trying to smile.
"lay still little sis help will be here in a while."
It's getting cold now, too hard to hold on.
It's getting dark, soon I'll be gone.
 
I look up at you, your smile fades away.
"sis I have something I need to say."
I love you very much, I wish this wasn't true.
I was driving the car, it was me that hit you.
 
Fear in your eyes, tears on your cheek.
You lean in closer as I start to speak.
I tell you to take care of mom,
be there for her to lean on.
 
Please at my funeral, play my favorite song.
Please remember to be strong.
Don't always be blue.
I'll be the angel in heaven, looking down on you.
 
To everyone out there my message is clear.
Listen closely, there is something to hear.
Be wise of the choices in life that you make.
Drinking and driving is a risk you take....
 
Please don't make others pay for your mistake.

© 2008 laceyjane23


Author's Note

laceyjane23
please ignore all grammar and punctuation errors, the message is whats important.

My Review

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Featured Review

definitely an important message to get out there, and kewl how you weaved your story within the rhyme. i'd love to see what you could write leaving the rhyming scene and just expressing yourself. your talent runs much deeper than what these rhyming schemes allow hon. :D

Faerie Blessings!

--faerie whisper (breaking the silence...)

PS: when you get a chance take a look at my short story The Boulder. it too is like this poem in the sense that it teaches a lesson.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is definately an important message and how potent you spoke about it. Fantastic job! ^^ I couldn't avert my eyes from it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This really is an important message...
I don't drink and as a teenager the pressure is always around me.
So this is a great way to get the message across to those who do drink. Drink and drive and you could die.

Great poem!
Can't wait to read more of your stuff.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is so amazing. U really hit it on the head. It is so very clear, and that everyone should listen up now and read this message before taking another sip. I dont drink at all, and i just feel so sorry for those that do, because even a little amount u ingest, can make you feel weird. Beautifully tragic. Loved this so much. Thank u for sharing this piece with All of us.

B.A.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oooh, harsh. Yeah, you made your point real well. It sucks that not many take it seriously until it's too late. :(

Anyways, nice storyline, great rhyming; it seemed only a little forced, but-- I don't know, somehow you got away with it. ;) lol!

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Powerful write, clear and precise. This could be a public service commercial. it's very touching and brings the reality of drinking and driving home.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

This was truely heart-breaking to read. ;_; You tell a powerful story & convey the message that drinking and driving isn't a very good idea at all, without sounding like you're preaching it. The story is realistic and could honestly happen to anyone, because when you're in that state of mind - you don't realize that you're making a mistake that you'll regret for the rest of your life. The only thing that was distracting was the rhyme. Quite a few lines sounded forced, particularly in the fifth stanza - which took away from the story. So perhaps work on that, or ditch the rhyme altogether. Regardless, this was a touching tale and a worthwhile read! =)

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Risk. Yes. Very nicely done.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

definitely an important message to get out there, and kewl how you weaved your story within the rhyme. i'd love to see what you could write leaving the rhyming scene and just expressing yourself. your talent runs much deeper than what these rhyming schemes allow hon. :D

Faerie Blessings!

--faerie whisper (breaking the silence...)

PS: when you get a chance take a look at my short story The Boulder. it too is like this poem in the sense that it teaches a lesson.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

A fantastic job. My son was killed last year by a drunk driver, a head on collision. The drunk driver only got ten years in prison. This is a good message really gets through to it's reader. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Very touching! So sad but the message is very important and I'm so glad you wrote this.

Posted 11 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.


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Added on August 2, 2008

Author

laceyjane23
laceyjane23

Mesa, AZ



About
Well lets see, I am 28 yrs old, and i love to write. I write poetry, lyrics, stories, articles, and I am currently working on my first book, and it has been quite an experience! I love life and I beli.. more..

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