Inside Of You

This is a poem.

Its here, behind these glass walls
I look out and breathe
This one sided codependency
Is more than enough for me
Where was it, I wonder
When you first began to be
Your touch and go creations
Help me forget to see
But in your sound I notice
Five senses senselessly
Hold me captive in black classrooms
Where I'm alone to think
I've never been addicted
To time I've never spent
But I find you here on my mind
With memories I've not kept
They said I came from nothing
Yet my spark burns endlessly
And so I'll never be alone
Because inside You is me

Reviews

[jesserose99]

I love the build-up here. I wasn't expecting it to be you that you shared your codependency with. Very creative.

[LapseOfMind]

Yes, the independent codependency often times is a surprise lol thank you, I appreciate it

[Coyote Poetry]

Strong, hopeful and powerful poetry my friend.
"They said I came from nothing
Yet my spark burns endlessly
And so I'll never be alone
Because inside You is me"
The above lines are true. We need people near who make us feel needed and okay. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, I appreciate it

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

I like this. The lack of punctuation invites the reader to place the accent and tone inferred by way of the narrative. Loved the line, "Help me forget to see"

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, I'm glad that you enjoyed it

[Anna]

Well done. You have a good sense of flow and it shows.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you, I appreciate it. Only problem, it's hard to turn the flow off

[SZHZIA]

This lovely which is filled with deep emotion touches my heart. The poet couldn't separate himself from lovely memories. Thanks for sharing it. Keep writing!
Best
Szhzia

[LapseOfMind]

Well thank you very much

[SZHZIA]

You are welcome :-)

[BlakHeart]

I love this poem. Last line is the best :)

[LapseOfMind]

Sweet, thank you!

[Giulia King]

This poem has a lovely flow! It's beautiful, keep writing :)

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much!

[Voidwvlf]

I really, really love the rhyme scheme you used here. It gets lost between the lines 11-17, but I'm not sure how you could change it and keep the gravity of your work.

"Five senses senselessly" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Is there a way you could change that to make it clearer?

I really enjoyed reading this. It's a big improvement over your earliest stuff, and I hope to see more!

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, I really appreciate it. I didn't even notice the rhyme scheme as I was working when I wrote this. The line "Five senses senselessly" is part of the next line as well. If you put those two together and read them as a sentence it would make sense. Again, thank you

[LapseOfMind]

Really I guess it was the line before it and the two lines after that were intended to go together