The Disease

a little more detail about kerii's and albert's diseases. and what went down in the first two paragraphs

 I hate gym. Positively hate it. Thank god I had albert on my mind so that I didn't have to focus. Strangely enough though, Albert wasn't the only one on my mind today. I was still thinking about why I kept appearing in strange places I'd never been to. My hypothesis seemed reasonable. All these places were connected in some way. Albert's hypothesis, however, was that the person who had given this disease to me in the first place was somehow controlling where I went. So my question is why? Whoever this person is, the person who sneaks through the dark of the night, seeking out their prey, to find those unfortunate people that he takes away. Into the dark. Strange things happen, and you feel pain for what seems like decades. You blink through bright lights, trying to gain your vision back. Suddenly, you hear his crackling voice saying, "You have the disease." And suddenly, your home again, sitting on your bed. And that's all I remember. Ever since then, I've been disappearing and reappearing in weird places. That's how me and Albert met. You see, he has the disease, too. But apparently there are different kinds of the disease. Albert can see things. Not exactly a fortune teller, per say. But more like, he sees what is going to happen to people. Bad things. Like when I was at the canyon. He knew something bad was going to happen. The only bad side of that disease is that he can't see who it is going to happen to. He only sees what is going to happen. So it's not like he can use the disease to his advantage and save people. What me and albert are basically trying to do is find the man who gave us this disease and make him take it back. The one other thing i remember from that night when I was diagnosed with this, was that before I was flashed to my bedroom, he told me that my life span is cut in half while I have the disease. If we don't find that crackly-voice man soon, our lives will simply be no more.

 

The bell rang through my ears as i shoved my heel into my shoe. I grabbed my bag and ran out to catch up with Albert before he left. I saw him walking across the street, and I had to practically sprint to catch up with him. Running out of breath i said, "You. Have. Long. Legs." He just looked over and grinned. But then his face got serious and he said, "I think I have a clue on where that man is." I perked up immediately at this. "Where was the first place that you were 'transported' to?" I thought for a moment, "Rancho Nuevo beach in Mexico. Why does that matter, though?" Albert seemed to be lost in his own world, as if he hadn't herd my question. "Why does that matter? Because it happens that the smartest and craziest scientist lives in a house on the shore of Rancho Nuevo." For some reason Albert chuckled after his statement. Confused, I asked, "What is so funny?" Albert smirked and said, "I was just thinking that if this is the wrong guy, and then he kidnapps us and gives us another disease, we would be in trouble." I gaped at him in frustration, "And you find that amusing?" "I find that very amusing. I struggled for words, but none came, so I decided to move back to the first topic. "Alright...So if there is a scientist there, are you saying he could be the one who gave us this disease?" Albert thought for a moment, "It's probable. But might not be possible. I say we give it a shot. You up for the beach this weekend?" "Well, I kind of have a math test to study for." He gave me a disapproving look, "Come on! You're smart enough! You don't need to study." I rolled my eyes, "Fine. We'll leave friday afternoon. Right after school." Albert chuckled again, "If we want to go from Carson City, Nevada to Rancho Nuevo beach in mexico. We are going to need to leave friday morning. Bright and early. Sighing I said, "Okay. I guess you're right. What time?" "6:00?" "Sure." Albert smiled his dazzling smile, turned, and walked to his car. I stood there for a couple more minutes staring at the bright sun, and then stumbled over to my old beat up volkswagen. I pondered on what I should pack. It was only Monday afternoon, I had plenty of time. 

Author's Note

hope you like it! ill be posting the next chapter soon!

Reviews

[Vonnette]

I feel that of the two stories you are working on, this is the strongest. I agree with the reviewer of the first chapter who suggests you separate the dialog from the narration. It keeps thing simpler for the reader. I know that addressing the grammar issues my get in the way of creativity, but eventually it's something you have to deal with. It is easier to change now, than in the future. All of that being said, there is a lot of creativity here. You do have talent, and I do want to read more. Nice work.

[MarchAprilMayJuneJuly]

this was a nice chapter that told us more about the disease, which i'm really curious about, and it showed more of albert's personality. This is definately not boring to read, and you keep drawing our attention as to what's going to happen next.good job!!!

~may

[Oz]

Another interesting chapter...I'd really like to know more about this mysterious disease, how it was given to these two teenagers, how Albert found out about this 'crazy and smart' scientist, and how they're going to dissapear for a while without their parents knowledge.

I'd like to see you elaborate more on the disease and how they got it especially. Those are my biggest questions. Try slowing your pace a little too. Let the story flow and don't rush it.

Your characters seem to be developing well...I'd like to see more insight into the personalities of Albert and the narrator. I want to know just who they are.

Nice job. Keep it up!

-Oz