When I look at You..

With jus one look

That was all it took

I froze where I stood

 

My heart raced

As If It had been a prisoner

That just got a taste of freedom

Long forgotten

 

There wasnt a detail of you

That my eyes could have missed

Like a hawk stalking its prey

 

Memories of your addictive smile

Your laughing blue eyes

Your warm, rich laugh

Danced across my mind, my thoughts

 

Teasing my heart into longing

For something my common sense

Didnt agree with

 

You were my best friend

You were my shoulder to cry on

You were my joker, the one who could always make me laugh

You were my teddy bear I cuddled with

You were my first love

 

Why must fate be so cruel

How did I let you play me for a fool

All of the betrayals, lies, deceit, were all I hoped never to meet

That night you left me crying in the street..

 

 

 

Author's Note

hope you enjoy this poem :) answer with honest opinions please :)

Reviews

[John Fitzgerald]

Well done darling :) was very interesting to see this half developed then fully realised :) really wonderful writing :)

[John Fitzgerald]

Excellent start, if not finished darling :) A few typos, just in the first line and hawk in the third stanza. Really love the sentiment of my heart raced etc, beautiful. Would reorganise a few phrasings. Think it would read better as unable to speak, unable to move. Would maybe drop my thoughts from the end of the line, danced across my mind. :) but really good work :)

[Eagle Cruagh]

Your writing is commendable, your
perceptions flawless, your sense of humor
exquisite--- the subject of your poem is
probably beyond reproach (after all you
allowed me to be a friend)...

Your poem is priceless, from the heart,
honest, brilliant.

----John