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When I look at You..

When I look at You..

A Poem by Lilmissfit

With jus one look

That was all it took

I froze where I stood


My heart raced

As If It had been a prisoner

That just got a taste of freedom

Long forgotten


There wasnt a detail of you

That my eyes could have missed

Like a hawk stalking its prey


Memories of your addictive smile

Your laughing blue eyes

Your warm, rich laugh

Danced across my mind, my thoughts


Teasing my heart into longing

For something my common sense

Didnt agree with


You were my best friend

You were my shoulder to cry on

You were my joker, the one who could always make me laugh

You were my teddy bear I cuddled with

You were my first love


Why must fate be so cruel

How did I let you play me for a fool

All of the betrayals, lies, deceit, were all I hoped never to meet

That night you left me crying in the street..




© 2012 Lilmissfit

Author's Note

hope you enjoy this poem :) answer with honest opinions please :)

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Well done darling :) was very interesting to see this half developed then fully realised :) really wonderful writing :)

Posted 12 Years Ago

Excellent start, if not finished darling :) A few typos, just in the first line and hawk in the third stanza. Really love the sentiment of my heart raced etc, beautiful. Would reorganise a few phrasings. Think it would read better as unable to speak, unable to move. Would maybe drop my thoughts from the end of the line, danced across my mind. :) but really good work :)

Posted 12 Years Ago

Your writing is commendable, your
perceptions flawless, your sense of humor
exquisite--- the subject of your poem is
probably beyond reproach (after all you
allowed me to be a friend)...

Your poem is priceless, from the heart,
honest, brilliant.


Posted 12 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on March 15, 2012
Last Updated on December 3, 2012



Wapheton, ND

Im me. Im the kinda person that wont pretend to be somethin im not. I like to have fun, laugh, be happy, make my friends and family happy, I make misstakes I wish I could take back. I stand up for wha.. more..