Marie

Pure sillyness

Where did it go wrong Marie

We danced often in loves sweet ectasy

You said you were happy and laughed Marie

And you said you loved me, that it would last Marie

But he was younger, taller than me

his teeth were white, then you laughed at me

What did i do wrong my sweet Marie?

Bound in chains in prison Marie

You tossed your head and smiled at me

A twinkle in your eyes as you grinned Marie

Now in dungeons dark

will you wait for me?

For i'll see you in Hell for all eternity

Now that your dead my sweet Marie

Are you sorry you laughed at me?

Reviews

[.]

. well, well ... women, i tell ya ... even i don't understand them ... once my ex sister in law said ... when you meet a guy and he has 16 out of the 25 things you are looking for, you go for him ... then you meet someone who has 19 and you go for him ... i gaped with my mouth open ... anyway ... this is beautifully written ... plays like a song ... and the bitterness just emphasizes the sweetness and earnestness of the narrator ... super neat work, mister poet ...

[Angelalala]

i've met a few 'maries' in my day. the empty, uncaring, cold-hearted ways of humanity and love at times can depress me. this is a dark, but beautiful write. love those last 3 lines. haunting piece.

[Alicante lullaby]

i'm sure she is...

[A. L. Z.]

Ohhh, I like this. Of course, if a real Marie were killed I wouldnt. But the cleverness of the wording is so great! I love it. It deserves to be in some twisted dark story.

[Doug Ordunio]

You've hit the mark with this one. As I've always said, the secret to memorable verse is the RHYTHM, which you have plenty of here!

Thanks

[Lilly]

A bitter write but beautiful too. Love the rhyme and use of questions

[Ruth]

Goodness, anger and bitterness - in a manner that I hope was cathartic lol xx

[Goodbye]

Oh, my! Are we angry? Well worded and metered.

[MuSe Ampoule]

Ooh, stalker-ish. With the repetition of "Marie" I had a hunch where this was going! Great job as always Linear...

so glad my name's not Marie...I'd be having nightmares tonight! ;)

[JelliFyshKissUs]

Ah... my kind of poem--demented love. The perspective of the disillusioned is so much fun, isn't it? What a fortunate coincidence that I stumbled upon you. I wrote a story regarding a similar subject and this just made me smile. It's so... Edgar Allen Poe of the 21st century to me.

[Inkcognito]

Hmmmm...me thinks she had it coming!!!
You certainly had me going!
A great, rythmic, slightly twisted tale...I like it!