Tic, Toc

Still not sleeping, keys stroking, mind dumping.

Tic, Toc
Still not sleeping
An hour more
Mind racing
Thoughts chasing
Back into prayer

Tic, Toc
I give up
And get up to write
Keys stroking
Mind dumping
Heart breaking

The death of you
Has split me in two
Tears welling
Sadness overcomes
I’m at a loss for words

How do I reach you?
If I even could?
Send a note by boat?
Shoot a rocket to the sky?
On a prayer lost to dreams…

I’d tell you of your wondrous beauty
Kiss you sweetly and hold you tight
This lovely mirage of you that fills my heart

Tic, Toc.


Little Mouse
August 5, 2007


 

Reviews

[Jonathan Bryant Dean]

I understand the tic toc, not being able to sleep. I am an insomniac.
I also understand loss.
I lost my best friend, my younger brother in 2000.

I also know about the giving in to the urge to write, which can serve as a cleansing process.

JBD

[Yvonne Heidt]

This is very beautiful. It reminds of my daughter who passed away last year. The last lines especially made me misty.

[PianoandPage]

mirage of you -

this metronome tempo gave me a flash of little moments, fade outs and fade ins of your insomnia driven by loss and heartbreak.

a beautiful and sorrowful masterpiece.

[Celtic Cat]

I love this! It's sort of melodic, which I grooved on. I loved the flow of each stanza in itself and into the next, very smooth. It's sad, but not too despondent (this lovely mirage of you that fills my heart). I totally love the lines:
The death of you
Has split me in two
I can see this easily becoming a song (if it isn't already!) with those dismal but hard-hitting lines scattered throughout. Although, it's completely perfect the way it is. Love it, and, I'm sorry for your loss. : (

[Northern Scribe]

You've captured the soul of us who are, sometimes tortured in want/need for a certain touch, from a certain person, that is unobatainable. Nice job, and I'm glad you got this posted.
keep it up,
peace,

[M Lamont]

Well done! This carried me through like I was next to you. I likd the slightly hopeful ending to this as well.