New Day

New Day

A Poem by the in between
"

i don't know this is just a rough draft of me practicing to be more descriptive i guess.. with some of my own thoughts... hope my meaning can be understood. maybe not

"
Used up clay
of molded day;
water mixed with butter
in a bowl of cheap plastic rubber.
stirring and stirring with no avail, 
she digs deeper into the soft yellow butter
and cries more and more.
"maybe the butter could live to be my friend,"
she thinks shakily. 
"What was I suppose to do again?"
she thinks..
oh yeah, birthday cake for the family...


 

© 2011 the in between


Author's Note

the in between
Feel free to critique please

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.
you wrote his with an free thought concept-
i really like the sort of subtle analogies.
it seems u r trying to mold a day and i couldn't
help but feel (& tell me if i am wrong)...
but u/ or the poem seems to be attempting
to mold/form the day of every one-
to form each person in the day that the writer
thinks the others seem to deserve, but in the end
of the piece the most important thing,
"she thinks shakily. "what was i suppose to do again?"
(she thinks..)
oh yeah, birthday cake for the family..."
~it seems there is an overwhelming feeling in this piece~
(sorry if this is off-just my take on it) -
a great mood/almost busy day-maybe even overwhelmed sense???
~I Hope :P ???~

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

lovely and cheerful

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I used to have a friend like that, she was always trying to, butter, me up for something or another :)

Very cute write.
Antonio

Posted 9 Years Ago


perhaps you have found what you set out to find......one way to be sure is to sever all ties and see what stands the test of time.........you already know what it is......your using me to conferm this......crafty yes, but you if you were sure of yourself, you wouldnt write at all......am i right?

Posted 9 Years Ago


definitely a playful poem...

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

an ode to the confusion of everyday life this one is..love the tone of poignancy beneath..

Posted 9 Years Ago


This reminds me of like water for chochlate.I like the expression of being to chaotic for something as simple as a cake going on

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
.
you wrote his with an free thought concept-
i really like the sort of subtle analogies.
it seems u r trying to mold a day and i couldn't
help but feel (& tell me if i am wrong)...
but u/ or the poem seems to be attempting
to mold/form the day of every one-
to form each person in the day that the writer
thinks the others seem to deserve, but in the end
of the piece the most important thing,
"she thinks shakily. "what was i suppose to do again?"
(she thinks..)
oh yeah, birthday cake for the family..."
~it seems there is an overwhelming feeling in this piece~
(sorry if this is off-just my take on it) -
a great mood/almost busy day-maybe even overwhelmed sense???
~I Hope :P ???~

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

New Day? New Day usually has hope, unless you had an epiphany. Sounds like it's a frequent everyday thought or occurance. G00d poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like it. Look forward to hearing more from such a talent girl ;)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Creative analogy--
Sounds like their making a birthday cake and their hoping that will spark or give birth to a friendship. That's cool.
Just how the poem moved me-- nice words anyway you interpret it.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on November 28, 2010
Last Updated on May 7, 2011

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the in between
the in between

unknown, CA



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