The Mind's Eye

January 26th 2011

Mend, Mend Memories;

you're into the distant darkness

Be a child again

Or move forward to new things

accept that what is done matters no more.

Let go.

Today happens only once.

This bright lit shine, or mist of fog

remains only once, never exactly the same.

Like driving in a 93' infinity with nothing to lose or gain.

The murky smell of dirt is so sweet

a reminder of what is real. 

As the sun descends into abyss,

and the stars show themselves openly,

I remember my first kiss

that one night I wish I could erase. 

Author's Note

Just a rough Draft.. but needed to write. tell me what you think and critique :)

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

Today happens only once.
This bright lit shine, or mist of fog
remains only once, never exactly the same.

Like driving in a 93' infinity with nothing to lose or gain.
The murky smell of dirt is so sweet
a reminder of what is real.

As the sun descends into abyss,
and the stars show themselves openly,
I remember my first kiss

that one night I wish I could erase.

This was pretty remarkable. I wouldn't change anything, it is perfect.

Some wonderful writing.
Antonio :)

[DamienHino]

In the first paragraph it seems like you have gone through some hard times and wish it was easy like when you were a kid, or to just move on and start fresh again. In the second you try to seize the day and a old stinky car is your ticket or moment of independence/freedom. In the third, its night time and you reflect a first kiss that represents a turning point in your life you regret. Idk if that was a critique but can you critique my critique of your poem :) I could relate to your reflections and desires in this poem. jk your cars nice.

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

a bit sad and so full of emotion I really liked this poem

[Audrey Howitt]

I love the beginning--I love the ending--it raises great questions for me --I don't know that I would change anything here--Like it just the way it is!

[Yari Garcia (Older Prof..]

I think this draft is very good as is. Adding more would just make it better, in my opinion.

[nostal]

Beautiful beautiful free verse. Each line crackles with exploratory, somewhat imploring statements that dont come off as dull or trite, because the imagery and kindness of the language and the words and your poetic diction lifts the piece beyond something ordinary.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Powerful imagery merges with faithfull flow, well done, great read.

[TJ]

love the imagery

[Hello, Goodbye]

love the imagery and the brevity.. love the selective notions that you weave together so neatly..

[Wondering Mind]

This tickles my love for brevity and word-play. Lovely to read (see through) this Mind's Eye

[The old me]

great imagery, and great poem.