The Mind's Eye

January 26th 2011

Mend, Mend Memories;

you're into the distant darkness

Be a child again

Or move forward to new things

accept that what is done matters no more.

Let go.

Today happens only once.

This bright lit shine, or mist of fog

remains only once, never exactly the same.

Like driving in a 93' infinity with nothing to lose or gain.

The murky smell of dirt is so sweet

a reminder of what is real. 

As the sun descends into abyss,

and the stars show themselves openly,

I remember my first kiss

that one night I wish I could erase. 

Author's Note

Just a rough Draft.. but needed to write. tell me what you think and critique :)

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

Today happens only once.
This bright lit shine, or mist of fog
remains only once, never exactly the same.

Like driving in a 93' infinity with nothing to lose or gain.
The murky smell of dirt is so sweet
a reminder of what is real.

As the sun descends into abyss,
and the stars show themselves openly,
I remember my first kiss

that one night I wish I could erase.

This was pretty remarkable. I wouldn't change anything, it is perfect.

Some wonderful writing.
Antonio :)

[James Gulliver]

I think you should get rid of some periods and let the words flow on down the page. You have some nice lines in there, they're just difficult to hear with all the end-stopped sentences. A great start though.

[Kyla H]

Hmm, gives insight to the reader, of your feelings and thoughts on a situation, though you have not shared that with us. Very well done!

[The Great Nothing]

Great impact, love the word play. I wouldn't change a thing. :D Though if you get the chance to glance at the few poems I've posted I'd appreciate it. New to all of this so still learning the ropes.

[She comes, when I call ..]

I like this very much, It captures the imagery of a problem many teenagers face, and can relate too. Great job.

[hannahspelledbackwards]

wow.. this is so true. "today happens only once." i think about that all the time, how this one second will never ever be repeated. it only happens once. very deep write. i love how it's kinda short and yet says so much.
also, thank you for your review. yes my poem was about my relationship with God, and also a "significant other," as you put it. Or more like an "ex-significant other" haha anyways great write! :)

[Tim]

The last line is a bit unexpected and follows a poem about memories that perhaps the speaker wishes she could forget. Could it have been a bad experience that this poem in some ways conceals? It makes me think of one who has been trapped by either an incident which followed her first kiss, or the fact that she became involved with someone who turned out to be less then ideal. Either way, a good poem.

[Nothing Personal]

Oh, looks real good..as i learned and can sense confessional poetry here..something to say to one's self on dreary days. and the magic is in the last two lines..leaves it open to interpretations, you can definitely build upon this as well

[siri]

yin yang and balance