What if i told you....

A poem

What if I told you my skin was scarred, fault lines etched into my wrists and my arms.

 What if I told you that I was dark, black is my soul and dead is my heart.

  What if I told you I really had tried, but all of my light had dimmed and died.

   What if I said I loved you to death, but then I said no, would you listen?

     What if when I stood on the edge there was no one to stop my fall.

       I am sorry my dear for all I have said, but this is the end, of it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1st

Jun 11, 2015

 

• Poetry slamT
• What if i told you....

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Dark but............

Reviews

[Dion [MFMDM]]

You should've made this for mature audiences. It's melancholic however I feel these words . Even MORE personal, at a point in time & even still now I feel .. "similar " feelings that add up to a pessimistic mind set, no matter how much optimistim I encourage In myself. I really hope things get better for you over time . we all need change .

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Mature!? I can't say I can see anything mature about it, can you highlight the things that make it mature? But anyway, thank you for the review!

[Dion [MFMDM]]

Hmmm .. ok say for example an average 15 year old reads this. I don't believe they would get the full concept & comprehension. However a more mature, experienced reader that may be familiar with words that are meant to be esoteric. that's jut how I read lol . I always feel like there's a deeper meaning than what's on the surface.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

So you don't think it is bad for people younger but just, kind of, wasted?

[Dion [MFMDM]]

Mmmm just more of like hieroglyphics. They look and say they understand but sometimes I'm sure they don't.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Well thanks for the unique :P review Dion, I appreciate your take on my writing :)

[Dion [MFMDM]]

Lol mmmhmm

[Tori]

Wow very dark, but very suspenseful to me, I really love your writing and tone for this poem. Beautiful.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Awww thank you!!!!

[sereenaoutloud]

Dark but.....awesome, powerful and a great piece. A few people have already said this but it really stick with you. I too read it a couple of time! You have taken something that is hard,dark sad and made it beautiful! well done!!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

I am so touched, thank you very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sereenaoutloud]

you are more than welcome, i really enjoyed reading it!!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

:-D.............................

[Moonlight]

Dark but............. Beautiful. Wow! It has this dark aura around it... like it is just too broken to be fixed. But even so, its story is just as much enticing as any other. Nice job! :)

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you so very much!

[Moonlight]

You are welcome! :)

[Nessie_AJ]

Wow..this is one of those rare pieces that stays with you after you finish. I had to go back and read it three more times. This piece was truly haunting..Looking forward to more of your writing!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow I am touched!!! Thank you for the lovely review!

[Misery]

Dark as the night and brilliant as the full moon.
Keep sharing your brokenness that blends so well with the darkness, dear poet.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow you are to kind!!

[alf]

Hi Beautifully broken. Dark, yes . . . emotional . . . yes . . . a great write YES!!! Wow! You have pack so much heart-wrenching, gut-clenching drama into those few lines, that the reader gets to the last word and suddenly realizes he/she must breathe!!! A wonderful piece of spine-chilling poetry. Loved it, alf

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Dear alf that is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me!! Thank you so very much dear friend!

[alf]

Never say a word I don't mean, believe me, alf

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow thank you!

[Angad Waraich]

*speechless* .
This piece was great, the emotions run so deep in these lines.
Gave me goosebumps.
Wonderful write.
Very well done.

Thank you.
Angad

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow thank you so much! You are far to kind!!!!!

[Angad Waraich]

You're most welcome keep writing!!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

:-)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sami Khalil]

"What if I said I loved you to death, but then I said no, would you listen?
What if when I stood on the edge there was no one to stop my fall."

[Valkyrie Warrior]

:)...........................

[Sami Khalil]

:).....................

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. So wonderful to visit and enjoy these kinds of amazing writes...Bravo.....

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you so much Sami!!!!!!!!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)......

[Valkyrie Warrior]

:).....................