Hide and...

Jennie ran, her feet light over the mahogany stairs. Her breath was ragged in her chest from running and as she tore onto the landing she stopped for one, dangerous, moment and peered back down the stairs.

She flew along the landing, franticly looking for a place to hide, her blood pumping loudly in her ears and one thought occupying her head, "They mustn't find me! They can't find me!"

The door at the end of the landing was open and she hurried in, wild eyes raking the room for a suitable hiding place. Then she heard the footsteps on the stairs.

Jennie dashed towards the cupboard in the corner and threw open the doors. Coats. The threw herself into the cupboard and shut the door as quietly as she could with her shaking hands.

The footsteps had made it onto the landing and she could here them pacing. "Jennie" called a deep, rumbling voice, "I know your up here, you can't hide forever"

She tried not to breath, she didn't want them to find her, they were going to make her do things she didn't want to do! She had to hide.

The door of the room she was hiding in opened.

"Jennie?" called the voice, "I am coming to find you".

Jennie didn't move.

Then, all of a sudden, the cupboard door opened.

"There you are Jennie" said her father, "I knew I would find you eventually, come on now, you cheeky  monkey, it's time for your bath"

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[Schatzi]

Lol, I love the way you built the tension.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you! That was the idea

[Schatzi]

You hit the mark!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thanks!!!!

[-inactive now-]

Wow, that was great. The ending was a bit of a twist that I did not expect, but brought the whole story into perspective.
However, there are a couple minor typos in there:
on the second sentence did you mean: 'thought' as opposed to 'though'?
"The threw herself into and shut the door as quietly as she could with her shaking hands." that line doesn't quite make sense...
But fix those up and it'll be just about perfect!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Oh thank you! Whoops, I will fix those up.