No use in trying

A Poem by lostsoul

Back on pills. When I say that I mean my old habits with pills. I don´t know what else to do, I don´t care. I can´t do anything else. I keep thinking how better it would be if she didn´t save me that day. If I just died. There would be no torture, no pain, no chaos. I´m thinking about picking up the blade again, one cut for the old times. How sweet would be the release, the embrace of death. Holding on to it and letting go of everything else. Finally being free from all the bad memories, all the scares that are deep inside, that smell like death them self-are all I have got left from life. There is nothing left to lose for me. I think about it more and more, again. It´s not meant for me to live, not this long. It´s too much of it, too much of the fake smiling and hiding behind them. Blade, pills, some strong liquor, and eternal sleep. There is nothing else left for me.