Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Civil War

Gone. Her body was gone. no trace, no warning. Kitty had disappeared. ¨Why now...¨ Kat said, a determined and angry look smeared on her face. then, without warning, Kat ripped her dress off, revealing a pitch black body suit, with her hair tied in a ponytail. Half her face was now concealed in a pitch black mask. on her waist rested two gun holsters, both holding a gun, both guns fully loaded. ¨Crow, i might need that jet after all.¨ Kat said, walking out of the funeral home, acting like nothing had happened. ¨Wait, whats going on?¨ i said, grabbing Kats shoulder and spinning around. ¨My name is Kat Wilson, and all of you have been threatened.¨ she said, acting like everything was normal. ¨Threatened? By who?¨ Phil said, confusion plastered on his face. ¨All of you have been threatened by traitor Kitty Manchester.¨

Reviews

[Rynn]

Much the same as the last chapter, this is in need of a long look through for grammar, spelling, sentence structure, dialogue, overall fluency, and content. I would say you should flesh out your characters and plot more. You need to find a way to let the audience get to know these people or they won't be surprised or empathetic to their journey or struggles.

[Rebecca Church]

Beside's the minor grammatical errors, one thing I would definitely work on is the emotion. When the main character asks what's going on, after seeing Kat just rip off her clothes to reveal the clothes underneath. It feels like they are just rehearsing a line at a play they really don't wish to be at. I would work on adding more emotions to the characters, not just through the sentences but through descriptions of what they are doing. You have a good idea going here. Keep at it.