Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Broken Trust

¨Guess your a bit slow Kat."a voice said, followed by the sound of a string being stretched back. That voice, i thought, almost sure of who it was before turning to meet their face. it was Kitty, but she was different. the tips of her hair were now red, not their usual cheery pink. ¨Like they say,¨ Kat said pulling her guns out and pointing them at Kitty, ¨The cornered rat will bit the cat.¨ Then, without warning, both girls fired their weapons at each other, causing a huge explosion. bits and pieces of broken glass flew everywhere, threatening all the people inside the Funeral Home. ¨Phil, we gotta get-¨ i started, turning to see only shattered glass and destruction. ¨Phil, we´ve gotta go.¨ Kitty said from the other side of the Home, firing another arrow and running out of the Home, followed by the screech of a truck speeding away. ¨Well, guess we gotta go on a search and rescue now.¨ Kat said, grabbing my wrist and yanking me out. Phil went with Kitty, the one he shouldn´t trust.

Reviews

[Rynn]

Again, Work on sentence structure. I think forming complete and proper sentences should be your absolute priority. Learning Dialogue structure and looking into some plot/character development strategies would be a great idea.

[Rebecca Church]

As said before, you do have something going on here, one of my biggest suggestions to expand just a tad bit more, go into more of the emotions the characters are feeling, describe more of the locations. It will help make the story flow and give us a lot more information.