Maybe I'm-

Maybe I'm-

A Story by marah

I just need to write something to ignore how I feel

Maybe I am possessive
only because I am afraid to lose you
only because everything I have ever loved, has left me

Maybe I am depressed
only because I know nothing else
only because all I've seen is sad faces full of sorrow
only because I thought that life was normal
to walk every living day wondering why you exist
and wish you hadn't

Maybe I am lost
only because those who were meant to shape my path abandoned me
only because I was left to walk upon the earth and lead myself
only because now my dad is dead
and my mom wishes I were too, she wishes I didnt exist

Maybe I am mad
only because the world has made it so easy
because these humans who live now, they carry so much anger and hate
it seems as if the world is, in return, mad at me
and I figure as a defense mechanism,  I must show my frustrations as well
and if not, I may be defeated because maybe besides being angry
Maybe I am weak 

And maybe all these maybes are more definite that I would like to admit
it's not a question or doubt that I am possessive or depressed and lost, it is a known fact
I am weak, and I live my life full of uncertainty and aggression
Maybe in reality
I tell myself that these things no longer bother me, I convince myself that I am okay, and perhaps the things I was so sure about are the things that are genuinely questionable and all the things I possibly thought couldn't be true- hold the most authenticity

And maybe I should be honest with myself
every time my mom wishes I were dead, it does hurt
and when I'm told I will account to nothing and will never be able to fulfill my purpose, I do cry
And sometimes, I do get angry, and I can allow myself to ignore reality
because when someone mentions that I am ugly or less than, I do feel insecure, and second guess my worth
and maybe being honest with myself is all I need.

Or maybe, I just need a friend

© 2019 marah

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Added on April 5, 2019
Last Updated on April 17, 2019
Tags: sad




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