Maybe I'm-

I just need to write something to ignore how I feel

Maybe I am possessive

only because I am afraid to lose you

only because everything I have ever loved, has left me

Maybe I am depressed

only because I know nothing else

only because all I've seen is sad faces full of sorrow

only because I thought that life was normal

to walk every living day wondering why you exist

and wish you hadn't

Maybe I am lost

only because those who were meant to shape my path abandoned me

only because I was left to walk upon the earth and lead myself

only because now my dad is dead

and my mom wishes I were too, she wishes I didnt exist

Maybe I am mad

only because the world has made it so easy

because these humans who live now, they carry so much anger and hate

it seems as if the world is, in return, mad at me

and I figure as a defense mechanism,  I must show my frustrations as well

and if not, I may be defeated because maybe besides being angry

Maybe I am weak 

And maybe all these maybes are more definite that I would like to admit

it's not a question or doubt that I am possessive or depressed and lost, it is a known fact

I am weak, and I live my life full of uncertainty and aggression

Maybe in reality

I tell myself that these things no longer bother me, I convince myself that I am okay, and perhaps the things I was so sure about are the things that are genuinely questionable and all the things I possibly thought couldn't be true- hold the most authenticity

And maybe I should be honest with myself

every time my mom wishes I were dead, it does hurt

and when I'm told I will account to nothing and will never be able to fulfill my purpose, I do cry

And sometimes, I do get angry, and I can allow myself to ignore reality

because when someone mentions that I am ugly or less than, I do feel insecure, and second guess my worth

and maybe being honest with myself is all I need.

Or maybe, I just need a friend