Cursed Flowers

Two still and silent lovers... xD

Sitting on her windowsill,
She looked down to her town, so still.
On a bench beside each other,
Were two still and silent lovers.

Weeks ago, their story began,
‘Twas when their love had just been banned
By a disapproving family,
But they still loved like any love story.

Away they ran, hand in hand,
And came across the witch’s land:
The ruins of a once-great town,
Which they thought was theirs, now.

But the witch watched them as they lived together,
And they thought they’d stay this way forever,
But they knew not of the witch’s powers,
And so accepted her gift of flowers.

Cursed were the roses, the dandelions,
And that night as they gazed at Orion,
Sitting together, looking at the stars,
They never had to go afar...

Sitting on her windowsill,
She looked down to her town, so still.
On a bench beside each other,
Were two still and silent lovers.

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed it xD
Sorry if you didn't...
It probably needs editing..
Review please :D
xx

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

It brings a sad smile in so many ways - the message/story that is. I do like the way it trips a bit as it skips over the near-rhyming ends and plays with the imagery, end-to-end. So, for this I give high praise and read thrice for joy (not malaise.) :D

[h d e rushin]

I love the repeat of staza's/ it makes the reader refocus on the theme. Sadly,
an entire poem cant be the repeat of the same stanza, then the attention
to the mechanics of rhythm is broken. I, for one, am still wrestling with the
whole idea of five-seven-five syllabic haiku. Ime old school...

love is a trance.....this is good poetry Luna, very good poery.

[Lizbeth]

Loved this writing with an element of a fairytale,the way it unfolded. Especially the first two lines:
"Sitting on her windowsill,
She looked down to her town, so still."
Only thing I might change would be sitting "at" her windowsill.
It is told aso vividly, it is almost as if it really happened.
Thanks for sharing
Lizbeth

[Aehr]

This is really nice. Its very innocent and beautiful. I can imagine everything you have written here. It has its own tale to tell. Thank you for sharing this one.

[AK]

Wow! Brilliant poem! It flows so well and I loved the title:)
The imagery was great! I could imagine a cool, misty evening and a girl staring out of her window. A park bench. Flowers. Trees. Leaves. Simply amazing.
Keep writing!

[iliketowrite]

...woah! omg this is so good! i love the story being told and especially love the line, "But they still loved like any love story."
i love how you didn't tell us what happened to the two lovers, but the way you wrote it sort of told me. i really like this. it's amazing.