Cuts

There’s so much peace in this. No one tells you that. The peace that comes when you do it. The calmness that wallows you right at the moment the blade touches the skin. It is an unreal feeling how in one second I went from a panicking mass on the floor to the coolest calmest person born in a second just with that one blade. I was so confused and I was such a mess. I couldn’t breathe or think or move for a while. It was that bad. I walked over to the sink to wash my face and that’s where I saw it. The one thing that could calm me down. I’ve done his a few times before but this was different because I generally just take a knife which isn’t very sharp. This time I had a blade. I’ve realised that blades are more convenient for this. They leave cuts just enough for it to bleed and leave a tinge of pain but don’t leave that much of a scar. I have found myself to be my calmest self when I’m cutting. People would think it as a moment of weakness. For me, it is a moment of pure relief. It’s like every drop of frustration oozes out of me with the blood. And I just sit there having a shot of vodka watching it flow out. It’s all done now. Everything is dried up and right now I feel at peace. I touch my wrist every now and then to feel that tinge to make me realise that peace in between the storm is possible and this is hopefully going to last me a while.