In The Dark- only the beginning of a story I am writing

I have only written a few stories and am working on a novel. I need lots of help because I am a young writer and I don't know much. But I think, with your help, I can become a lot better. Thanks!

 

In the Dark

By Mandi

            It was a cold winter night when Misty Curtis flung herself onto her soft bed. She hurriedly grabbed the nearby notebook and jotted down all she could remember from that day. She had kept these journals for years and thought she’d never stop. Remembering the party she had just come from, she, let her hand wiz over the paper and bent her head a tad to get a better look at what she was writing. Her thick, wavy, brown hair draped over her shoulder and every once in a while she would look up from her work and run her fingers through it smoothly. She joined her top lip with the lower one and gently rubbed them together, concentrating on her hand. Her fingers ached from discomfort of the rough pencil and she rubbed them.

             After she finished her routine of journaling she stood up and smoothed out the wrinkles of the silky comforter that flowed over her bed. Misty loved her bed. Whenever she’d look at its excellence, it’d make her feel…so relaxed and satisfying. She would look at it and want to lift into the air like an angel and slowly land into its sponge.

            Her parents had bought her the mattress a year before she was a teenager. She now had it for two years and loved to wrap herself in a warm blanket and surrender to its large fluff.

            Daydreaming in the double bed was getting to know her even better. She lay there idly and thoughts corrupted her mind and she no longer was in this world she knew so well. She was in the world of her own fantasy and carried on with her daily inauguration the way she had dreamt it was.

           Creation was very interesting in her opinion and to her delight was fun to make up other ways it could have happened. She knew it was childish, but to her surprise, she didn’t care. She was so fond of animals and life her imagination took her to places she had never been before. Places the world never even heard of. And it all existed happily in her awareness. 

 

            Misty Curtis’ father, Andrew, was a very wealthy man. He bought Misty whatever she wanted when she was little. He tried to now but Misty was becoming more independent and wanted to earn money herself. She was almost fifteen and could drive steadily. When she first tried all around her seemed to fade as she would concentrate only on driving. Andrew was sitting in the passenger seat guiding her through the process of parking the car in the driveway and unfortunately Misty was completely unconscious of which pedal was accelerate and which was break. He tried to explain but, predictably, she wouldn’t listen. She already started the car and pushed the break and the car wouldn’t go. To his surprise, Misty, confused at how the car would not go, turned the reverse on and tried the other pedal. The car darted and smashed into the garage door before Andrew could do anything to stop it. The car was crushed pretty badly and Misty’s reputation of driving was turned from unknown to appalling.

            Misty’s memories of that day were ghastly and unpleasant so she tried not to think about it. But a year after the incident Misty could drive constantly without hesitation. Her father finally regained his trust and let her  take Driver’s Ed. The process was over and she now only waited for the delight of getting her permit.

            Interrupting her daydreaming Misty remembered that she was not yet fully ready for the night. This meant she could no longer trance and delay sleep any longer.

            Minutes later, she came back completely ready for her captivation of the marvelous bed. As she lay there, in complete darkness all except for the light of the air, her dreams enthralled her and she listened to them slowly whispered faintly into her ear and she desired to breathe the way the dreams made her feel. Like a fresh stream that bubbled into her presence and tempts her to lay in it and relax while the cool water caressed and pleased her. Her eyes closed lazily and her mind shut down for the night and the temptation of the stream had overcome as she dreamed.

Author's Note

ignore grammer problems, what do you think of the word choices, I am only thirteen so I need lots of help. Thanks!

Reviews

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

You have learned early on that description goes along way when telling a story. Make the reader feel that they are there with the character. Your grammar will come. When I'm working on a book I read and reread many times and change many things, but the description sometimes comes in the final draft. Great work. Keep it up.

[Daniel]

I didn't quite understand this.
It sounded like you left things out and it was all scrambled up.

Like, it went from her daydreaming to her driving to the wreck to driving to daydreaming to sleeping.

This is just my own opinion. :)

[Ben]

'Ello! Well, I think you should work on this one a little bit. You probably shouldn't listen to me, because I'm not a very good writer.

Your descriptions are pretty good.
I see a capitalization mistake in the first paragraph. "Her thick, wavy Brown hair draped over her shoulder..." Brown shouldn't be capitalized... But, I do it too. Haha.
The first paragraph is a little too long. There should be a few more paragraphs in it.

As I said, you probably shouldn't listen to me.

I like it, even though I don't know what it's about. Keep it up!

[angelina blue]

Wow!! You have a very easy flow to your writing style...kept me interested all the way through...can't wait to read the the rest of the story...........angelina blue