All for her Pleasure

I wrote this for a contest...

A solemn day was in the past
Of a young girl.
All she wanted
Was to walk in the rain.

Right when she stepped outside
Into the world,
A raindrop fell into her hair.
It soothed her scalp.

Its coolness sent shivers down her spine.
She wanted more.
So she looked heavenward
And begged.

The rain slowly obeyed her wishes
And danced for her pleasure.
It fell to the muddy ground
And splashed in the puddles.

Her barefeet stepped into
One of the pools of rain 
And freezing mud caked between
Her wiggling toes.

Goosebumps covered her body
Each time a raindrop
Fell onto her skin.
She reached her arms above
Asking for more.

It began to downpour
And she squeezed her eyes shut,
Letting the drops run down her face.
Her clothes sagged, clinging to her small body.

 

She smelled it's love and affection,
Thanking it for its kindness
As it slowly passed.
Now no one knows she's crying.

Author's Note

I wanted to write a poem...so I did! I hope you like it, but tell me your honost opinion. Thanks for taking the time to read it!

Reviews

[Daniel]

I liked this a lot. :)

There were a few grammatical errors, but not many.
Mainly just two things I think.
In some of your sentences you used "it's". That should be changed to "its" --- no apostrophe.
And squeezed is spelled incorrectly in one spot.

Other than that, I didn't see anything too bad. Great job! :)
I liked the description.

[Legacy]

Mandi,

I would like to take this opportunity AGAIN to apologize for such a long intermission.

I did indeed visit (as you can see) and might add spent a quite a few moments doing my best to digest, embrace, understand and comprehend such a beautiful write (All for her Pleasure).

Indeed a beautiful piece (inspiring to the ranks of Mastery).

Your approach to life’s trials and tribulations was indeed so gracefully orchestrated. First delivering a warm, heartfelt, and familiar to all approach allowed us (readers) to place ourselves amidst.

Once drawn in, you invited us to stand alongside experiencing the wonders of Mother Nature. No… not watching as a movie plays out in our minds, however truly feeling each bead of rain.

Out of nowhere to be foreseen by any means, we are impacted by the depths of which brought you to be exposed to the elements of the outdoors only to cover up what lies inside.

To sit here and tell you this write is 2nd to none would do no real justice. To praise you for being as strong as you beautifully pens is truly where the congratulations lie.

Well done…

Looking forward to some new pieces soon

Legacy

[Mason Vail]

Very good! You've created clear sensations without having to go into crazy detail. I feel like I need to give standing in the rain another shot...

The last line caught me by surprise and prompted several re-readings. I like that.

As Daniel mentioned, the "it's" (meaning "it is") in the first line of the last stanza needs to be "its". I'm impressed that you've been applying the suggestions of reviewers. That doesn't seem to happen with a lot of people.

Keep it up!

[Lizanne]

I absolutely love this beautiful piece of poetry. The rain slowly obeyed her wishes... and danced for her pleasure. This is so visual. She smelled its love and affection..thanking it for its kindness. You know mother nature very well and paint such a masterpiece with your wording. The grammar and your spelling are to be greatly commended. I envy the talent that you are developing....One can tell that you will move on to great heights in the world of writing. Keep up the good work! I look forward to stopping in on you and reading more.

[emmajoy]

I was just swept away by this poem, it flows like rippling silk, slowly and calmly. But, that last line just took my breath away, i wasn't expecting those words .. 'Now no one knows she's crying.'

There's far more to the quite simple words and phrases: it's as if 'she' is showing a happy face to the world but, is holding onto real pain inside her .. those last words are still echoing..

Thank you so much for sharing this poem.

(only negative, can you think of other words for 'sopping wet'?)

[fireblossom]

I think this is a beautiful poem. During the edits you trimmed it down to a direct simple and lovely thing.

I like your writing Mandi.

[Dimples87]

This is simply beautiful. I like how it starts off slow almost like a story and then the description of it all puts you deeper into the poem as a whole, almost like it's you but it's not you. It's like you're witnessing someone doing this and you're getting shivers just by watching the person and the scene itself. This whole poem takes you on an adventure and finally, the last line gives you something to think about but it's just beautiful. This was delightful to read.

[Ben]

Yes, this was very good. It gave me shivers reading it.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Beautifully done.