When the Sunshine hits the Roses

I had this scene printed in my mind so i did a second draft of it. Here it is! Enjoy!

When the sun shines on a path of roses,

Things calm down a bit.

The bees back away for a second,

to reflect "what is happening?"

 

A little hummingbird stops his busy    

Flapping to take a second and look at the       

Roses. They’re changing! The one’s that were

Once little sprouts, now have full petals!

 

A lady walking passed them notices a single bud

then it eases open into twelve velvety petals.         

She enjoyed the picture for a moment and smiles warmly,

Then continues her pace along the sidewalk.

 

Most people don’t stop to smell the roses,

Plenty of them pass right by too busy to even notice.

Even the green leaves around the roses,

Are marvelous, but no one is there to admire them.

 

But one little boy decides to enjoy the scene,

And is now taking whiffs from the beautiful red and white flowers.

A fragrant smell fills his little nostrils.

An aroma of hygiene; crispness, and warmth.

 

Oh, but only for a second.

For the flowers are now changing colors!

The white roses turn golden

And look warm and fresh.

 

The red roses turn to a deep maroon.

And finally more people notice.

But decide to stop a moment and smell.

It’s not just the smell,  the sight of the roses.

 

They lure people over to sit on a bench

Or just stand and watch.

Soon people from all around are crowding them.

But after the short five minutes,

 

The sun sets and is no longer shining

As much on the roses. They are now back

To normal; a dull red and white.

But they are still pretty, just different.

 

But people will remember this fresh occurrence

And maybe come back to enjoy it sometime.

So maybe you should take a moment to stop

When the sunshine hits the roses.

 

Author's Note

Grammar problems, do you like the idea and tell me what i can fix! Thanks!

Reviews

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

This is a really lovely poem.

Oh and you could use both has or have.

[Ben]

Oh my gosh Mandi, this is great! I really liked it! I just see one thing, and I'm not sure I'm even correct. 'Once buds, has full petals! ' I think the has should be have. I really liked it!!!

[Daniel]

This was very inventive. To me it seems like it's saying to people "slow down, take a moment and see the wonders around you because before you know it, they could be gone."

Great write! :)

[Mandi]

I changed a lot of it......hope you like it better!

[Vesa Lee]

I really like this.
The perspective you take on the "stop and smell the roses" bit is a fresh and new one.
It's interesting that only when the roses change color, flaunting deeper and more luxurious shades, do the people finally notice them.
A moral not too take the beauty we have before us so easily for granted...? ^-^
Either way, it's very enjoyable to read and fun to visualize.
Great work. :)

[Shreds Of Me]

I like this, I could visulaize part of it, well written

[verano]

The scene you create here reminds me of the saying, "Stop and smell the roses." So it's almost as if you've added some more color to that idea.

I like too the way you shifted the images of the roses--the white ones turning gold, and the red ones to deep maroon. I was led to think of the sun lowering in the sky and so changing how things look, even though you don't say it directly.

A few of your phrasings could be worked on a bit ["let out a load of" seemed a bit odd, for example]. Otherwise, your grammar and spelling are fine. No worries there! Overall, it's a very good effort.

[Ben]

Bleg. roses. I hate 'em. but, this was a very good poem. But I don't understand the first few lines:
When the sunshine hits the roses,
Everything is quiet.
Bees stop their humming
And Birds stop singing.
Why would the bees and birds be quit? Don't you think they would be joyous and loud that another day has begun? Creatures tend not to do that, unless they're crazy or something like that. Just a question: Reaches. I think you might have spelled that wrong, but I'm not the spell master, so... what's it supposed to mean? I thought this was an excellent piece, Mandi. Good job!

[Scott Free]

Hey, this is a good little poem, here! I like it.
I would encourage you to give the reader more descriptive adjectives and adverbs;
"They all enjoy the scene
Of the beautifully red and white flowers.
A fragrant smell reaches people"
These lines were boring, imo. I think you could come up with better than 'beautifully' and 'fragrant,' simply because those are overused it seems.
Also, perhaps you could give the reader something of an idea *why* these roses make everyone stop; what message do they send? A message of new life, or a new chapter in life blossoming (i.e., the blooms coming out where they had been closed up before?). Just seemed like you could get a little more across to the reader, leave them with something a little more lasting.
However, that doesn't mean I didn't like this poem. It's a great idea. I hope you carry on with it.
Good luck!

~Scott