Stranger

Do you believe in love @ first sight?

 

 

 

A stallion running fast as the north-wind blows

A tree mystically swaying in the air dancing a tango

Meteor showers in the eastern skies

A stranger's soul shines at night with the sparkling fireflies

You animate in my celestial dream

Sporadically moving and slowly fading into dim

When the violin started to play, your sorrow began to unfold.

Quandary radiated your heart turned into cold

In every movement of your exotic frame

I was mesmerized and dying to know your name

                                 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Sir Joe]

This poem is brief but you were able to jam-pack it with visual images. My mind pictured out those words of yours. Your technique of showing rather than telling is very effective. Well, it is always effective when it comes to writing short poems. But in this poem, almost every line has an image that is vivid. I commend you to that.
As far as my reading is concerned, this is about infatuation at first sight, is it not?
I myself can relate to the theme in this poem. I have already experienced wanting to know the name of someone I instantly liked at first sight. I even dared to get her number hahaha I love the way you chose your words. Your lines and words are few but the impact is great.

However, let me make mention of these few things about some lines:

*Meteors showers in the eastern skies
---> Meteors SHOWER in the eastern skies

*A stranger soul shines at night with the sparkling fireflies
--->A STRANGE SOUL/STRANGER'S SOUL shines at night with the sparkling fireflies

*Sporadically moving and slowly fades into dim
--->Sporadically moving and slowly FADING into dim ---> parellelism

*When the violin started to play, your sorrow begins to unfold.
---> When the violin started to play, your sorrow BEGAN to unfold.
---> [or] When the violin STARTS to play, your sorrow begins to unfold.
---to avoid the conflict of the tenses

Thank you for letting me read this wonderful piece of art. =)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Hi Sir Joe thanks a lot for the review, I will consider changing it :), I appreciate your expertise in tenses which is very helpful. Thanks a lot :)

[Sir Joe]

You are most welcome, Sir Marc! Poets help one another out. =)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks again :)

[Pete Langley]

You build a vivid montage of atmospheric visions here with an ethereal dreamlike quality, and I wonder how much is simply descriptive of your dream and how much connected with your concious experience and aspiration? I would have liked to see some extension of the separate images to provide more cohesion for the poem. P.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Pete sounds cool :) I will consider it. Thanks for the review and your time reading my work.

[dave]

I really enjoy the way you use your words to portray such vivid, dream-like images. I think that the tense changes you made really helped, too. Great job, it's always a pleasure to read your works.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Dave, I appreciate your review, thanks for your time reading my work. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Marc loved it in terms of structure and flow, some suggested tense changes if you like them:

A stallion running fast as the north-wind blows
A tree mystically swaying in the air dancing a tango
Meteor showers in the eastern skies
A stranger’s soul shining at night with the sparkling fireflies
You animate in my celestial dream
Sporadically moving and slowly fading into dim
When the violin started to play, your sorrow began to unfold.
Quandary radiated your heart turned into cold
In every movement of your exotic frame
I was mesmerized and dying to know your name

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. John I already changed some tenses :) thanks a lot for the support.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You are welcome Marc wish I could write in a different language!
This is a definate change in syntax though:
Meteor showers

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) Thanks again Sir!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

My pleasure Marc. You write well and the feeling you put into your work makes it a pleasure to read.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) Thanks again

[RachelReaper]

the imagery in this was so incredibly vivid, I felt like I was watching the most beautiful scenes from nature playing out in my head.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Rachel seriously a words from the greastest one like you it is like winning a ticket hehehe :) thanks for the review.

[RachelReaper]

greatest one? Hardly, but your welcome.

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Love such a dark emotion that brings us into the light of our being. Excellent read and write. Making sense? Still on my first cup of coffee:D

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brandon I apprecite it big time. Thanks for the review.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I want an honest review :) you are free to criticize my work. Thanks

[Jack...]

Marc, love seems to be your forte. This is very cool. It builds nicely to the crescendo ending and believe me, I know this feeling.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Jack for now :) literally, it is insane :) dont know why, I tried to write another things aside from love but I always ended writing about love. lol :) Thanks for the review.

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing poem. A feel of darkness and mystery in your words. I wanted to read more. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Reading your review makes me happy thanks a lot Bro.