Forty Two'ed

For Helena's Blue Rose "Tovli's Ten" contest

 PERFUME of your soul--                            
 SPLENDID in its role!
                                
 It's PRESENCE has defined                       
 OBLIVION in my mind.

 No PURER lesson taught
 Thy looking-GLASS sought
                     
 From my heart's SKY;                                 
 SERENE, I softly sigh!
                                
 We TWO, waxing versiful                       
 Thank God, ever MERCIFUL!                     

Author's Note

Well, to be honest, I liked the 49 word version a lot better! This feels rather choppy to me, but...We do what we must!

Reviews

[Dominique Lambright]

It doesn't seem choppy to me. I like it a lot. Simple yet meaningful. And sometimes those are the best ones. They're short but they leave an imprint on the mind.

[Mark]

Helena set some very strident conditions for this perticular "Tovli's Ten" contest: not only did I have to use those ten words, but in THAT PRECISE ORDER! And if that weren't enough of a brain buster, to do all that in EXACTLY 42 words! YIKES! Really makes one think...one of my less-preferred activities!

[Dominique Lambright]

Lol I see. But with those restrictions I think it was well written.

[Mary]

very well done; not choppy, just concise, yet smooth

[Mark]

This was one o the more difficult contests Helena has ever posed: to use, not just these specific ten words, but IN THEIR EXACT ORDER! I was not displeased with this humble result. Thank you for your comment.

[Mary]

what a fun contest! you did very very well!

[Muse]

Your syllable count is on...so I see nothing choppy here. I applaud you for trying. I don't like structure, so I admire your efforts to rewrite this, it takes creativity and effort. I tried to do this once for a ten word contest, revised an older poem for it, it just didn't work for me.

From my heart's SKY;
SERENE, I softly sigh!

Ths sum of it all, passion and appreciation for life...beauty. Nice work.

Muse

[Mark]

Thanks, Beth...Are you all right?

[An owl on the moon]

I loved the dance of your words, Mark! Your form and flow has a wondrous rhythm that just makes one sway in the serenity of it all!

[Sheila Kline]

CONGRATULATIONS my friend for your second place win!!! It is indeed a lovely combination of 40 words!!!

[Tate Morgan]

A very good effort for this tovelli ten i myself cannot do this so i say bravo

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

This is a lesson in how to do the challenge and never appear to be doing a challenge! You made it flow and rhyme beautifully. This is so well done.

[Mark]

Thanks, Claire. I don't do them very often, but Helena and I have been close almost since I came to the Cafe, so I try to accommodate her whenever I can.

[Ruth]

Oh, I think you did so well! This is beautiful love :) xoxo

[J. J. Nightingale]

I don't know about contest, never entered one .. but I like your style .. I prefer short and to the point .. Everything fits here, just right !

Jasmine

[Mark]

Thank you Jasmine. I shall reciprocate soon! Mark

[J. J. Nightingale]

OK ... And you are welcome .. Jazz :)

[Helena]

Hi Mark,


Beautifully penned with the ten words placed 'just so''

Sorry it didn't extend to 49 words! Maybe next time! lol