Morbid World

Vilanelle

I ask you, what is precious anymore,
when apathy shines bright amid the gloom...
what in this morbid world do you stand for?

How can we treat our planet as a w***e,
no rest, our sons are entering the room...
I ask you, what is precious anymore?

How does a man proclaim a holy war
and place the helpless in the path of doom...
what in this morbid world do you stand for?

How can an open mind escape the gore,
when a woman kills the child in her womb...
I ask you, what is precious anymore?

how is it charity's perceived a chore...
does having gold make right, as we presume...
what in this morbid world do you stand for?

When people of the world choose to ignore
their feelings and promote the thoughts of whom,
I ask you, what is precious anymore...
what in this morbid world do you stand for?

Author's Note

I played a bit with amphiboly in the last two stanzas.

Reviews

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Aaaaaaaaand this is why I love sci-fi fantasy. Escape the morbid world we live in at least once a day. The world is crazy. People are lost and self forgotten and who can blame them. But about your poem... it's very aptly put into words. Your question was repetitive but sinks in at the end ever more. Again, well done. Tyfs

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Cyprian! :)

[Ada]

The personal and the political ring through this piece..i am strongly pro-choice so i kinda fell off the band wagon when that topic came up with the harsh wording...nice write that makes the reader rethink the world that he lives in.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Ada! :)
Its great that you have something to stand for. I enjoy bacon cheeseburgers, and as I eat them I have no thoughts of the gore involved in bringing all the parts of them together. But, if they were renamed the Slaughterhouse sandwich, id probably eat fewer of them. Along the same lines, if abortion were redubbed Environmental Protection, to highlight its benefits, fewer people might view it negatively.

[William Michael Reeves]

Too cool!! You stuck with the form and said so much as well. In this form coming up with the repeating lines that emphasize your subject must come first. Then fill in the blanks. What a powerful poem no matter what the form is. Yet we watch the human condition with morbid fascination. This is one of those poems that all people should read. Most Excellent!!!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, William! :)

[Seth Cason]

Blasted computer deleted my ENTIRE review. I wrote how I admire your hard work especially in this era of unicorn poop-poetry. And I was canceled just as I was about to comment on the numerous things worth addressing, but personally, I was struck by the stanza that opens with charity being a chore. It made me think of the smarmy, kiss-a*s politicians who seem to think, now more than ever, that they were elected for no other reason than to sit back and collect corporate cash and, for super-funzies, scribble tons of unnecessary and barbaric laws aimed at hurting people just to hurt them. So, yeah. That line struck me, and I just wanted to get that out of my system.

And if you're curious about my temporary avatar here, I just clicked this because it makes no sense and I'd already wasted too much of my morning trying to fit my whole head into that little box. I'll figure something out.

Happy Saturday,
Seth

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Seth! :)
I'm sorry you lost your review.
I like the image. Its compelling.

[Chris Shaw]

This structured poem works well because of the repetition which adds emphasis. When you look at what is going on in different parts of the world, you need to take a deep breath. As individuals we may change nothing. Collectively we may be able to make a difference. Thought provoking mattavelli.

Chris

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Christine! :)

[emipoemi]

Ho-ly kwap!! This is one of the best, if not THE best villanelle I have ever read! Fantastic lines, poetic beyond belief! "....and promote the thoughts of whom"....that "whom" is not quite expressing what you want to say, and even read, it sounds pretty much like it was only placed to conform with the rhyme scheme. The poem is utterly perfect otherwise! Well done!

[mattavelli]

Thank you for the compliments, emi! :)

Does the section read better with this change in punctuation?
"When people of the world choose to ignore
their feelings and promote the thoughts of whom,
I ask you... What is precious anymore?
what in this morbid world do you stand for?"

[emipoemi]

it's not the punctuation that's the problem, it's the word "whom", which doesn't quite fit in the context, given it's a pronoun without a clear antecedent, and in even if you were intending this to stand as a noun and say something like "such a whom", you would still need an antecedent, which remains nonexistent, and makes the pronoun itself only seem to have been inserted for the sake of the rhyme (which is considered a faux pas in poetry).

[mattavelli]

Hello again! Thanks for the feedback.
In that section I'm asking what's important to you, who puts ideas in your head? Thats why I used "whom". It fit the question.
I don't put random words in my poems to fit rhymes. Haha...

[Pushkar Prabhat]

WoW!!!!
truthful and powerful......
the haunting question remains: "what in this morbid world do you stand for? "
loved it!!!
:)

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Pushkar. :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome...........!!! :) :)

[Matching Socks]

You pose some very thoughtful questions so eloquently and with good form.
This makes me feel a bit sad for all the wrong we do and have had done. Senseless bs mostly.
Good poem Matt.

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Ana. :)
I'm adding photos to my poems. The photo I attached to this one is of a ticketing office at a train station. The English translation is pretty bad. Haha

[Matching Socks]

Haha! That is hilarious, and somehow fitting. :)

[mattavelli]

And I changed it... too many photos to choose from. I'm bad with long menus too. Haha

[Fran Marie]

This is really done nicely Matt, in both form and content..I often wonder about what has happened to.society and the world views ...what is precious anymore indeed.? Seems no One cares about anything in this throw away World...

[mattavelli]

Hi Fran, thanks for reading. :)
I think "throw away world" hit the nail on the head.

[Fran Marie]

Hi Matt..stopped in
for a re read on your
wonderfully written
poem..just as relevant
today as 5 years ago
if not more so..espcially
the disregard for a baby's
right to life;when you can
abort up to birth and beyond
such a sad world we live in

[mattavelli]

Hey, Fran! :)
I dont think a pregnancy can be aborted after the birth. Haha
In any case, it is a disgusting procedure and a tragic event, and just about the most morbid behavior that I can imagine any animal doing.
That said, I won't argue to limit access to abortion. I dont think laws and prohibition can change minds; and the more people argue, the more adamant and righteous they get.
And I dont argue with pregnant women. Haha

[Fran Marie]

touché'.
wise not to argue
I see your pov

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

I like the idea that you are creating here - making us as readers challenge things in our everyday lives or the people that surround us. Will we be able to stand our ground when the time comes for those things precious and important to us, or will we shrink in the shadows of those whose voices echo louder than ours? Because this piece does ask us to reach deep inside ourselves and find the answers to the questions that this poem provokes, I wonder if it would be stronger if you wrote these questions in the form of an experience that the speaker might have instead of outright saying what the question is. Why not give a voice to that unborn soul, or someone seeing that mother in passing who knows her secret? Why not give that helpless solider a voice so we can feel and see the anguish and pain that makes us question what is important and shows us how our thinking has become morbid enough that this really is a reality for us and not just thought provoking questions? Just some food for thought.

+YourMidnightSecret+

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading and the suggestion. :)
Your "experiences" would probably make for a better read.