Prayers From an Agnostic I

Is anyone listening?

Because, here I go.

Maybe the spirits will all pay attention. 

And maybe my prayer will even flow. 

Well, let me start by saying, 

I don't know what to believe.

I've gone to church, but I haven't seen

What some Greater Power has done for me.

Kept me alive?

Yeah, well I wish the opposite.

They put a label on people like me.

They call me agnostic. 

But, I just think I'm waiting.

Waiting for some huge light to be shed. 

Yahweh.

God.

Jesus.

Buddah...

Is anyone here with me in this bed?

Do my prayers reach any of your ears?

Let me tell you about my first few years.

I was born in the rain.

My parents divorced when I was two.

I lived with my grandma while my parents worked like parents do.

Then when I was six, my life was changed drastically by a sick man.

Third grade flew by gracefully, but fourth grade I had no friends.

They told me I was an Alien because I was light-skinned. 

Then it didn't matter because then we moved yet again.

Fifth grade, I had to start over. 

Girls didn't like me because my hair passed my shoulders.

My mom and stepdad argued and argued. 

It goes downhill from there, but I don't want to bore you.

Basically, I need some help.

I don't really think I can ask anyone else. 

So, whoever is listening, anywhere.

My life is an unmitigated disaster.

Please, I pray, make it better. 

Take the pain away, take it with the stormy weather.

I don't know if this will help me deal with this s**t.

I know I'm not supposed to curse in these things...

But, please bear with me through it. 

I'm sorry I'm so desperate. 

I know it's kind of hypocritical,

But please answer the prayers of an agnostic.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we wonder if prayers really get answered. We wonder what is after this life...so many theories, so many religions...and what if there is nothing...we just turn to ash or dust and disappear....
what if this is all there is...legitimate questions...as a Catholic boy, the nuns always answered our unanswerable questions with..."it's mystery, you just have to believe"
but what if the idea of God is just a crutch, something to wish for, to make this life a step to something else we hope will be permanent joy?
what about? and what if? and What is there, really?

j.

[mcceewrites]

Jacob, that is exactly my sentiments here. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

[boygene borice]

I wish i could say i understand what you are going through, but i cant, even though the path your life has been on is no different from mine. Being left alone. Praying but nothing works. Waiting to hear the voice of God but only hear the devil laughing at you. it is devastating. t is heart breaking...but what else can we do? Have hope. Have a little faith and keep praying

[mcceewrites]

Boygene, thank you for your review. We all have to just keep the little faith we do have.

[Green]

This is so raw; I think wondering what's out there is something everyone goes through (even though some people don't want to admit it), and, for me personally, I've thought some of these things as well. I hope you find your answers. Good write.