Eyes Wide Open

A story of a prostitute who found love

 

 

Entrapped with this life,she’d created.

Accepting, fate had her pinned as doomed.

Dreams once dreamed, eternally faded.

Her heart protected, tightly cocooned.

 

On love, devoted her every desire.

Her love freely given,never returned.

Her eyes now sealed shut,by soul’s hot fire.

Unseen fate, will soon have the tables turned.

 

Passion for money,with a very stiff price.

Taunted by daylightand trapped by the night.

Discontent, no pleasure by everything nice.

A proposition, she should’ve thought twice!

 

A change was, slowly growing within her.

A new life, cradling destiny inside.

As if pure fate, birthed the perfect cure.

Waves of emotion,flow like the rising tide.

 

Her eyes now wide open,of what she must do.

This life she’d been living, now left behind.

A surge of devotion,to try something new!

She was no longer numb and no longer blind.

 

While holding her daughter,so precious and small.

A promise was made,true till the end of time.

"My heart I saved, now to you I give it all.

My life, my devotion,with my eyes wide open!"

 

 

Reviews

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

Emotional transition of the character from darkness to light and then the resolution to stand, for the sake of a young life. The poem relates it in very strong and profound words, a poetic metamorphosis that ends with perceived triumph over flaws. Great theme, impact and composition.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

Thank you for seeing exactly what my point of the poem was! Thank you!

[TPK Stories]

Loved the passion in this write...

[Mrsnyums]

Positively, a good poem with a clear beginning and end, and an uplifting story. Some clever use of words with double denotation. I love the line "Passion for money, with a very stiff price".

Constructively, try to avoid using cliche, such as, "tables turned", or "Waves of emotion". Is there another way you could describe these feelings with the use of different words?

A couple of spelling mistakes that distract when reading this piece, "plesure" (pleasure) and "cradaling" (cradling).

A lovely poem Melody :-)

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

Thank you so much, I will always be working to improve my work in order to allow a smooth roll off the tongue and a mental journey. This is accomplished by listening to the readers and working hard. My wish is for my skill to match my passion.

[Mrsnyums]

Good for you lady! I do try to give constructive criticism as that is what I would like to get. It's nice that people comment on our poems, but an actual review is much more helpful, and much harder work for the reviewer.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

You are right. I wish I had more time to review.

[Richy Moon]

Most times I get offended by people saying that youth have no future and all that crap, but this is pleasant change. Hopeful in a bad place, I like it :)

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

thank you , I am glad you liked it.

[EternityWolf101]

Love poems are always good, no matter what their origin and type is. You have definetely gotten sparks flying in this one. Nice piece.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

So very kind of you! Thank you.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Nice story of love in this.

[Poetic Beauty]

Many people do not understand there money doesn't always make happiness. It is the small things in life or even the big things that make things beautiful but it isn't he money that you will remember it is the time spent doing something incredible.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

Perfectly spoken!

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

And something incredible, is a simple as taking the time to color with your child.

[Poetic Beauty]

My son has never like to color. Not even when he was little. Throwing a baseball or going to the fireworks together. Taking the time to talk. All those things are some simple pleasures

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

very true! Enjoy them while they are young!

[Brad]

metaphorically poignant on so many levels. bravo

[Leigh]

Nice turnaround within the poem, youve painted your picture well with words

[Sagar Waingankar]

Wonderful write dear! Thi s carries a sea of emotions along. It's inspiring. Remembered a song of Metallica- Turn the page. Take care!

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

Metallica- Turn the page, A very powerful video and song indeed!

[Marissa]

terrific