30 Days After Love

It’s officially been one month without your love.

Though your love was merely an act, I miss being apart of the show.

This morning while in the shower, I closed my eyes and remembered your warmth.

The way your hands would graze down my back while you kissed the nape of my neck ever so softly; just the way I like it.

Just as the water travels down my body.

Warm and secure.

I don’t even know why I let these thoughts consume my mind.

After briefly reliving the passion we shared, my mind can’t help but wander off to a place of jealousy and heartbreak.

I’m reminded of the fact someone is else is now receiving all of that.

All of you.

It’s been thirty days since i last felt your love.

I still don’t understand why.

As I’m left with no answers.

As I’m forced to live without ever receiving any.

Left wondering why I wasn’t good enough.

Wondering if habits I’m unaware of made you change your mind about me.

About us.

About starting our lives far away from a place we’ve both known all of our lives.

About growing our own fruits and vegetables in our backyard, while our children play in the garden I created with my bare hands.

The same hands you once referred to as magic.

The same two hands I used, to make you fall to your knees in weakness as you took me in.

As you ate me alive.

Like you have been starving for centuries awaiting my glory.

It’s been thirty days since I last felt your love.

Tell me what she has, that I don’t.

So I can practice her role.

Not only hers, but of all the other woman chosen before me.

Go on, speak.

Speak for yourself and for all of the other men who have broken my heart.

Who have begged to break down these walls built by the ones before them.

Yet had no idea how to handle my being once let in.

Help me understand.

So I can paint my face into a mask and dress perfectly for the part.

The part of being someone else’s someone.

Anybody’s someone.

So that I can finally be chosen.

So I’m not left here in the darkness.

In a dark lonely theatre searching for a glimpse of light in the audience.