Ever Truly Real (?)

I’ve drafted these poems since I was thirteen years old;

Desperate grasps at my pain weaving purpose.

Only childish confusions, no answers to hold,

Praying that my wounds wouldn’t be worthless.

I look back on what I have written over the years,

All the anguished laments I penned and typed,

The metaphoric pleads through notes-app frontiers, 

Lost to the shadowed and forgetful night. 

My heart faintly aches when I read those pieces 

And have no connection to things I used to feel,

Because if not even the author can affirm these releases

Then was that poetic pain ever truly real?

I still choke on lots of fear and bandage new-age hurt, 

I guess each handful of grief is different from the last,

But I stare at the same concrete and step on the same dirt,

A doubtful aging captive of a translucent past.

I still write these poems, as you can see by this post,

But I have since developed a new type of fear,

I worry I’m not permanent, just a watery ghost,

Doomed to drown in pain that was barely even here.

Reviews

[Neville]

I may be wrong, but I have the distinct suspicion that you are far from being the only one that feels like that .. I know I have done before now .. in which case, I also suspect you are write, so write on my friend, it is a real pleasure to make your acquaintance .. Neville

[jaye river]

i swear every poem of yours i read is so incredibly relatable its like you can read my mind.

part of what led me to this site was re-reading a lot of my old poetry i wrote when i was in high school (which then reignited my passion to write again). it felt almost like an out of body experience reading all that old stuff. like i know i wrote those words, but it felt so foreign at times, and some things i wrote about are so hard to remember now. it made me question if it really happened and if it was really that bad or that good or whatever.

just amazing, amazing, amazing as usual my friend. each poem i read , it just blows my mind how insanely well written and incredibly relatable they are. i cant say it enough

[nadia dmitri]

Those words mean so much to me :) It makes me happy that my writing can have an impact. Thank you for your thoughtful comments!

[emmajoygreen]

' My heart faintly aches when I read those pieces
And have no connection to things I used to feel,
Because if not even the author can affirm these releases
Then was that poetic pain ever truly real?'

Things - emotions, doubts and so forth alter.. they do, truly they do.
Nadia, your poem is heartbreakingly honest, full of the weighty pain that youth suffers when - life is new, things never experienced are like a toddler's first falls, they hurt, cause tears. But already for you, time later, you are writing poetry such as the above, with its first class rhyming scheme, your phrasing and emotions so acutely honest and visible. All that displays a character that will gradually slip into the brightest light. How wonderful that will be and - all being willing, I will be here to applaud you even more!

[nadia dmitri]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. Your feedback is always so kind and helpful, I appreciate them endlessly

[emmajoygreen]

I mean every word.

[emmajoygreen]

Many thanks for your recent review.. you are always so kind and friendly, nadia. Take care, keep safe, dear friend.

[Arundass TP]

A poets biography. The pain inside heart. Haunting past. Desires. Good work 👍