Tumbleweed

The drive home is lonely 

Suddenly you feel like a ghost 

Made of distress and other synonyms 

The steering wheel does not feel real under your hands 

You are trapped with only yourself in a disappointing night 

You don’t want to be trapped with only yourself 

How many kilometers does it take to outrun that numbness?

You have never been able to, even on the good days

It's like a shadow creeping along the ground 

A lie you feel unraveling like frayed string

You try to avoid it, with songs and such 

But it is always there, waiting to be your passenger 

Every time you get into your car you check the backseat for intruders 

A grandmother promise, you’ve come to see you are the intruder 

The moment, the forgetful peace, is slashed by the dull blade of your presence 

Maybe you weren’t made for peace, an agent of unconfrontational chaos

Always wanting more 

A stray dog scratching scratching scratching 

You only know how to beg, not receive, and so you will always find ways to be dissatisfied 

This drive home is especially light out, there is snow adding an eerie stillness to it all 

Stillness is not your friend at this hour 

Your friends were left back in that moment extinguished by sleepiness you never reciprocated 

Are they your friends? The ones who ignore your silence through laughing

The ones who don’t check if you’re home safe (even though every drive home you think about not getting home safe)

A jaded hatred takes over sometimes

You think “if they were my friends then they wouldn’t make me feel like this” 

But you know you make yourself feel like this 

You find a way to make a 15 minute ride home its own death sentence 

You poison the world around you like clockwork

There is a tumbleweed on the side of the road 

It has stopped tumbling, covered in snow 

Is it just a weed now? But it cant be for it is not alive 

Is it just nothing then?

You and the (non)tumble (non)weed are one

You stop tumbling, you stop pretending to be alive

And what are you?

A car full of bones, a heart full of ghosts 

Your pain is not poetic 

You are not special 

You have created a world where if you are not tumbling, if you are not a weed, then you are nothing 

And that is your fault 

Even a snow bright night filled with music cannot make this drive home any less lonely 

It is clear now

It is not lonely because something is missing, it is lonely because you are present 

You are alone with your thoughts, writing poems in your head about the tumbleweeds you pass

You can’t do anything for very long before you find a way to make it hurt

Reviews

[Soren]

I found the last part of this piece particularly powerful. It poses some questions that lead one to ponder and reflect. "A car full of bones, a heart full of ghosts " a great line deep in metaphor. "It is not lonely because something is missing, it is lonely because you are present " A deep thought and another great line.

[nadia dmitri]

Thank you

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem shared. I liked the description of the journey and the use of the tumbleweed.
"You are alone with your thoughts, writing poems in your head about the tumbleweeds you pass"
I liked the above lines a lot. Thank you dear Nadia for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[schlanks]

Wow. This really cuts deep. It doesn't hold back in its capture of depression's attack on oneself, but in doing so it becomes a vicious attack reflected back at that depression like a mirror. It feels like destruction breathing on a page.

There's one line in particular that I keep going back to: "A lie you feel unraveling like frayed string." To me, that gives a clear distinct voice to all the effort it takes to do something as simple as have a good night, only to feel the fragility of it all as it crumbles the second you're alone. Hindsight telling you you failed even if you were having fun previously. A heavy line that says so much by itself.

Thank you for sharing.

[nadia dmitri]

Thank you for such a thoughtful review and analysis, your interpretations are always spot on and lovely, thank you :)

[emmajoygreen]

Why do people look at an expanse of words and think they know they aren't intrigued enough ti read the efforts of someone else who has had more to say than, 'Nice one, keep writing'

This is really is an intense look at your thoughts, emotions and deep self-analysis. That said, your journey is used to the full, barely a minute wasted, somewhat negatively BUT what one does alone, driving, tired but brain still ticking over to feel and use with true logic, feeling.,

'Maybe you weren’t made for peace, an agent of unconfrontational chaos
Always wanting more
A stray dog scratching scratching scratching
You only know how to beg, not receive, and so you will always find ways to be dissatisfied '

Who knows.. think last such journey, think ahead on the next one. Interesting, well laid writing here,
. Will return to read again.. slowly.

[nadia dmitri]

Such a thoughtful review, I am always grateful for your feedback, thank you :)

[emmajoygreen]

My review was a bit muddled in parts but meant to be kind. Take care of yourself, have a happy and [eaceful Sunday! :)