i'm not gay.

reinstated

I’m not gay because it’s the popular thing to do.

I don’t like the labels and the titles that make their way ...

along the hallways of whisper and refrain

I’m not some spoiled brat trying to defy ...

mommy and daddy and all the saints.

I’m not looking for an excuse ...

To lay out on some overpaid shrinks couch ...

tell my life story, blame it on my childhood

and waste perfectly good tissue.

 

I’m not gay because I’m mad at boys

(well, maybe I am)

and I’m not confused about who I am ...

Because someone told me it was the thing to do,

because I live a little too close to P-town

or because I’m aspiring to win some award ...

as newcomer of the year in Playboy or Hustler.

 

I’m not gay because I kissed a girl

(or two, or three)

and I’m not gay because she (they) kissed me too.

And I’m not tearing my family to pieces because I think it’s good for the kids.

In fact, every now and again, I wonder if it’s the thing to do ...

If maybe, for my husband’s sake,

I could just muddle through.

The thing that re-assures me and keeps me sane.

The piece of the puzzle that rears it’s lesbian head:

 

I’m not gay for any other reason than this...

No one has ever moved my pen,

like that girl, like any girl.

the feeling that I get ...

the reason that my keyboard stays up late at night

I am not gay because I choose to be

I am gay because I can finally write.

 

Reviews

[Nick Erickson]

This is absolutely wonderful, your true feelings and thoughts laid out on "paper".
The fact that you laid down, even your second thoughts or doubts in this piece, show that you are being sincere and honest with yourself... who cares what anyone else thinks... the important fact in this piece is your honesty with yourself.

"In fact, every now and again, I wonder if it's the thing to do ...
If maybe, for my husband's sake,
I could just muddle through."

Very well done, your emotions and feelings out here for all of us to read. Excellent.

[Kaylor Mason]

Cool. It's good not to label yourself. I've had plenty of labels, some I wear with resentment and pain, some with pride and some with shame, and every day I have to learn to shed them--and to never label others. Don't ever call yourself gay or crazy or screwed up or a freak or anything else. Call yourself a human being! That's what we are: Human! Nothing is worse than accepting a label.

[gravitylava]

Oh, this is so good! =D I loved how deep and real it was. Thanks for writing this, because I loved to read it.
-michelle

[Steven]

wow. ive writtien things like this before but i would never have the guts to post them on the internet. I applaud you. *clap**clap* .

[Eclectic Ichthys]

the reason that my keyboard stays up late at night
I am not gay because I choose to be
I am gay because I can finally write.

I think this perfectly describes a sense of acceptance, and release.

[Colette]

DAMN DAMN DAMN!� hello!� This really moved along fluidly, and gave me that jolt in the final line--oooo snap! I'm not one for labels anyhow, and even though you are using the "gay" word to make your point, it's what you express that is so solid--the feeling you get, how it feels right, how it inspires you, how it's natural and good.

thank u,
CG

[Musiq Ladee]

this was truly wonderful. i loved it.

[Engulfed in Flames]

Wowser, that was beautiful.

I sometimes wonder if I am doing because of those reasons, but your last line is why I am.

Awesome.

[Too Simple a Simon]

Are you gay or are you bisexual? That's not the same thing either. I do understand the self-wakening that can occur through writing. Nice job.

T'SaS

[Yvonne Heidt]

LOVED IT!

I can not believe the change in myself over the last (almost) 7 years. I did the conventional things and stayed in relationships that hurt. Today - I am me - not what someone wants me to be or thinks I should be. I love my life today :)

Excellent self expression.

[chr66is]

Wow, this is an awesome explosion of thoughts and feelings, pure honesty. I really dig this and the courage it likely took to write it. Kudos!
Peace,
Chris