chapter 28

My mind was a muddled mess and I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do. There were so many things going on but I didn’t know how to deal with it all. But there was one person who I knew could help me, I just hoped he would remember me.

The bus stopped right outside the gates to the cemetery and I was the only one to get out. I don’t remember ever burying someone in this cemetery but I knew this was where he was. My memories were a blur and I didn’t remember his name but I knew deep within me that I would find him and he would be able to tell me what to do.

As I stepped into the cemetery a heavy weight placed itself on my heart and I was pulled by an unknown force in a direction. I didn’t fight it and just walked down a path that felt so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. The walk gave me time to think about everything that had happened that day. Then my thoughts went to my best friend Jane and her fight against cancer. It might have been selfish of me but I wished she was with me right then instead of at the hospital.

I was being stupid by thinking about my problem when Jane was in that hospital bed with death waiting by her bedside. She had been there for me and now that she needed my support more than ever, I was here chasing ghosts of the past. But what else could I do? I needed answered and by God I was going to find them.

I came to a stop in front of a headstone with a small feline on top of it. It looked like a lion that was guarding the headstone from everything. Right under the tiger a name was engraved into the stone; it read Adam Smith. The name held no value to me until I saw the quote that was under it.

“There is always a reason to smile but it is only up to you if you want to find it” I read as I ran my fingers over the words that struck a chord within me. There were words I had heard a long time ago and yet I couldn’t remember that time in my life clearly. But just reading those words seemed to lift a fog from my life and I could see things more clearly. There was so much that had meaning in my life and I was missing it by letting the bad things in my life blind me.

A smile spread across my lips and a sense of peace seemed to settle within me. I didn’t remember him but this deceased man had helped me in a way only a father could.

“Thanks dad” I whispered and then kneeled down to kiss the tiger on the headstone.

‘Be strong tiger’ a man’s voice filtered through my mind as if a distant memory was talking to me. I it was something my father had told me and it caused me to smile.

“I will be dad, don’t worry” I promised him and turned to leave with a skip in my step. Life was not going to knock me down anymore.

As I came to the gates of the cemetery my phone started to ring. It was Rai and I felt a pang of guilt as the scene I had had with my mom came to mind. I sighed since I suspected she was going to lecture me. Preparing for the lecture, I opened the phone and answered.

“Rai--”

“Adel you need to get to the hospital fast; it’s your mother” Belle said practically near hysteria.

Without a word I closed the phone and sprinted off in the direction of the hospital.

“Please don’t take them from me” I prayed and willed my legs to move faster.
The hospital was still a good ways away and I though I would have tried to make it on foot; I knew I wouldn’t make it. I just had to do something but I couldn’t think from the fear that clutched me in its deadly grasp. I could feel the cold hand of panic twist my insides as my legs were struggling to go faster.

Suddenly, I got an idea when I saw a man outside a martial arts place opening his car door to put in his bag. Right then I didn’t care if he was the devil himself; I needed to get to the hospital and get to my mother.

“Sir, please help me,” I quickly stopped in front of him and tried to catch my breath but I was panting heavily.

“Are you alright? What’s wrong?” he asked in a worried and slightly surprised tone.

“Please...I need...hospital” I gasped and clutched his sleeve that hugged his slightly muscled arms. He looked around as if he was going to look for help but instead he took my shoulders and nudged me towards his passenger door.

“Explain on the way” he said in a calm, professional tone.

I didn’t think about it and just jumped into the passenger’s seat and closed the door.
I was near hyperventilation as I put on my seatbelt on as a second thought. The man quickly pulled away from the curb then floored it towards the hospital.

My nerves were so on edge that I didn’t care if he was over the speed limit by ten. I needed to get to the hospital as fast as possible. With nothing to do but worry and reflect on the things I had said to my mother, I broke down.

Sobs racked my body and I buried my face in my hands. There was nothing I wanted more than to take back the hateful words I had thrown at my mother but I knew I wouldn’t be able to. The fact that she was about to go into labor or was already in labor was not as simply as many might think. Since the day she told me she needed medication I had called her doctor and he had told me that there was a big chance that either she or the baby might not make it.

She had to be completely comfortable and taken care of. Remembering the order the doctor had given me only caused me to sob harder. I hadn’t taken care of her and now she and the baby were in a life threatening situation. If either of them didn’t make it I would blame myself for the rest of my life, I swore.

Out of nowhere a hand came to rest on my shoulder and caused me to look up in surprise. It was the stranger that was taking me to the hospital. He was staring at the road intently but he had his hand on my shoulder squeezing it gently.

“Calm down please, I can’t stand it when women cry” he seemed to be pleading for the tears to stop.

“I’m...sorry...” my voice came in gasps as the sprinting and crying took their toll on me. I took deep breaths to try and calm my racing heart beat and control my ragged breathing.

“Don’t be sorry, but could you tell me why I’m taking you to the hospital?” he asked in a concerned yet encouraging tone.

“My...my mother is there...she is going to have my baby brother...” I said as coherently as I could and took more deep breaths.

“Then why are you crying? Shouldn’t you be happy?” he asked with honest curiosity in his voice

“One of them...could die,” a sob escaped me as I said the next words “it’s my entire fault!” the sobs racked my body once more and I squeezed my knees closer to my chest. His hand rubbed my shoulder in an attempt to calm and soothe me.

“Don’t say that, look we are almost there” he said and pointed to the sign that said hospital.

I gulped and my nerves ran marathons inside me as I tightened my hold on my knees. I had to see my mother and tell her how I truly feel and beg for her forgiveness.

Once he parked in the emergency lot, I dashed out of the car expecting him to just leave. But as I got to the front desk he came to a stop beside me. I didn’t have time to ask him why he stayed and so I just turned to the lady at the desk.

“A pregnant woman was brought in here...I’m her daughter?” I inquired and hopped on the balls of my feet, ready to run to my mother.

“She is in the ER so I am sorry but you will have to wait out here.” the lady said with sympathy etched on her elderly face.

“No, you don’t understand I have to see her. She might die and I need to ask her to forgive me, please” I begged but before the lady could tell me anything, a doctor came out of the doors to the ER.

“Mrs. Jones’ family?” he called into the waiting room which caused Rai, Belle and the Andrews family to stand and go to the doctor.

I quickly ran over to the doctor ignoring everyone and everything around me but the doctor.

“I’m her daughter” I told him and felt every cell in my body freeze with anticipation.

“We saved the baby but unfortunately your mother’s heart couldn’t take it. I’m sorry” his words ran over everyone and time seemed to stop.

“NO!” I fell to my knees as the word was wretch from my throat. Tears followed my cry of agony and I couldn’t stop the wails that escaped me. My body rocked and I could not seem to come back to reality. I had fallen into a nightmare and I couldn’t see anything besides it.

“I’m sorry” I whispered as I rocked there on the floor of the hospital. I had just lost my mother and the last words I had said to her were ‘I hate you’.