a bad joke chapter 11: my tourniquet

Jane tells Iocus horrible things she's done and how terrible she feels about it warning there is talk of suicide

 Iocus pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes “How do you live with all this pain?” he asked her. Jane shook her head “You just learn to and when you do everything becomes sort of numb” she replied in whispers. Jane touched Iocus’s neck “Your still wet from the rain?” she asked. “You are too” he replied grinning. “I’m gonna go take a shower and change, you can go on my laptop while you wait” Jane said opening a purple door next to her bed, she went in and locked it. Iocus sat up on her bed and opened her silver laptop it had a NIGHTWISH band picture in the background and a few unopened blue folder files.

 

        He clicked the SAFARI Icon and went on Youtube. He heard the light tapping of water hitting the floor, the shower. Jane got in the shower that was scalding hot her favorite temperature. She closed the glass door and picked up the yellow soap on the floor. Iocus typed fast on jane’s laptop opening up a new tab and went on face book. He had to admit it was kind of awkward to listen to the shower while Jane was in it. He tried his best to distract himself until the sound of the shower stopped. Minutes later Jane emerged from the bathroom steam coming out as she did. She had on a black shirt and orange shorts.

 

        Her hair was half wet, “You can go in if you want” Jane said. “No , but do you have any dry guys clothes?” he asked. Jane went over to her closet and tossed him a black quick silver logo T-shirt and some Black skinny jeans. “Good thing Skinny Jeans are for both boys and girls” Jane smirked. She rummaged more through a drawer and pulled out some girl’s boxers that were so new they still had tags on them. She threw them at him as well. “These are new right?” he asked, Jane nodded “I didn’t even use them yet and so now their yours” she laughed. 

 

        Iocus went into the bathroom and took off his wet clothes and dried himself with a towel. He put on the new boxers which were buffalo plaid, then he put on the skinny jeans which were a little baggy on his skinny legs and the the T-shirt. He came out holding his wet clothes in one hand and set them down next to his shoes which he had taken off earlier. Jane was sitting on her bed and closed her laptop when she saw him. He sat down next to her his legs on hanging off the end. 

 

        “Iocus? there’s something else” Jane said not looking up her fingers tapping nervously against her bed sheets. He looked at her “yes?” he asked curiously. She took a deep breath “On the day my brother died, I was supposed to be watching him and I was. He had stolen the puppet our dead grandpa had made for me a week before she died from AIDS. He wanted to play with it and started to break it so when I caught him naturally I chased him and he ran into the street to tease me and that’s when the car hit him” Jane said in a monotone voice. She shivered a bit at digging up painful emotions from memories she wanted to discard. She had to blink back the tears a few times not wanting to show him or herself anymore of her own vulnerability when she cried.

          

 

           And in her mind she repeated over and over "it's all my fault I let him die, I made him die, if only i hadn't chased him, if only I didn't care about the puppet, then I wouldn't feel so dirty and unclean" she thought. Jane was never the one to accept comfort from anyone,she didn't like people seeing how weak she truly was so when she was sad she comforted herself. She felt as if Iocus was the only one who cold truly comfort her. That's why she decide to tell him the painful past and her choices on that day that if she had changed one action of anger and her brother would still be here. But another side of her wanted for him to get mad at her for forcing her brother onto the street. She wanted him to see why she despised herself. Iocus held her tightly “shhhh..... it’s all right it doesn't matter to me. It’s not your fault, You weren’t driving the car. And ifyou tried to save him you would have been hurt.”I don’t care about the past I care about you” Iocus said softly stroking her hair as he held her.

Author's Note

please review

Reviews

[just is]

I like your chapter don't get me wrong.
I just don't like reading about suicide.
It's nothing [ersonal. I just don't know
What to say when someone writes about
or talks about suicide. That's all
It's a wonderful chapter to your story
You are a very talented writer.