Prologue - Siren

               I sit here on the rocky ledge overlooking the deep blue Aegean Sea.  The sea had been still as a mirror over the last few days. Now it was growing angry, white caps showing as the warm Mediterranean breeze picks up.  I tell myself the breeze is the reason for the change of the sea.  Deep down, I know better, something more sinister is at work.  My mind wanders as I lower my head to the craggy rocks below, I see our sailboat, bobbling up and down, anchored not far off shore.  Why did Caleb bring us here, I begged him not too.  Now I am dejected, all hope of happiness gone.  But I have a decision to make, one I don’t want to make.  Let’s start from the beginning Ivy, that might make this decision easier, I tell myself half heartily.  You have until sundown to make up your mind, you might as well use the time wisely.

Author's Note

This is the prologue for my unfinished short story/novella Siren. PLease let me know what you think?

Reviews

[idiotproof--1]

this is a good start. it's pretty interesting and I really like the descriptions given for the scenery. however you should try making it a bit longer and adding some more detail otherwise though great job.

[Sara R.]

I really enjoyed the imagery that you created in this scene. The prologue contains a lot of great details without giving away too much. It makes me want to read more!

My suggestion is to add a question mark after "Why did Caleb bring us here?" and then make the rest of the sentence a new sentence.

I can't wait to read more!

[nseddy]

Thanks again for the review. Yes your right about that sentence, i will fix it. Thanks!

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

You did a very good job explaining the sea, the breezer and the entire environment. I am guessing she is contemplating suicide, but I shall read further to find out whether I am right.

I just advise you to keep an eye out for runons- for example, " Deep down, I know better, something more sinister is at work. " From "something" on can be a new sentence.

[nseddy]

Thanks for the review and comments on runons. I will take a look at that.

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

I enjoyed this :) I think the font needs to be a bit bigger and maybe add paragraphs. This doesn't catch your eye to read it at first. Well written.

[nseddy]

Thanks Taylor, yes i see what you mean. I work on this

thanks again!

[C. Rose]

"I lower my head to the craggy rocks" After thinking it through - I realize you mean that you looked down. Consider rewording for clarification.

Is some of this dialogue? Quotations would help.

"something sinister is at work" I'm intrigued. :)

[nseddy]

Thanks for the review and comments i take another look at that.