Situation

Neon light above me glows

Time for me to go back home

On the road and for me to roam

But I’m at nowhere and couldn’t reach my goal

Pity on my unconquerable soul

Have to accept that I’m violent prone

My head is going to explode like a bomb

Couldn’t pretend anymore like a stone

Hate inside my heart tolls

Restricted emotionally by my own

Thoughts reverberate and inside my heart darkness loams

Should I electrocute myself with so many Ohms?

My life is some kind of freak show?

Value of my morality is low

The reason behind this unfolds

Nothing’s left, honestly is what I have sold

 

Nyi

( 22.5.2010 )

Reviews

[R. Nella]

An interesting piece. Some rhyming, some not, but you get the emotion across well.

I am curious about the choice of the word 'Ohms'. Ohms is a measure of resistance, whereas current, measured in Amps, is what will actually kill you. Was this an intentional? If so, you get the dual meaning of resistance of the body to electrocution, and resistance to the act itself... subtle, geeky as hell, but perhaps entirely intentional.

[Devons]

This is a nice piece of work and has a lot of depth in imagery and power. And I particularly like the message and sense of being it conveys.
The last line is very good and significant, and underlines the reasoning behind the poem itself.

There are a few odd little mistakes here and there that you might want to check out, but nothing major that damages the meaning of the poem.

One thing I will say is that sometimes the rhyming seems a little forced; and it might pay to find some alternative words that work better in certain parts.

Overall, a good poem though.