Confrontation

just a writing exercise..it seems i couldn't write without rhymes..

Alone with myself

Something’s lurking in the dark

Or could it be someone stalking me?

As I listen carefully

Sound of silence’s in the air

It’s immensity almost unbearable

And I call out ‘Who’s there?’

Silence becomes the answer

Penetrates into my body like fever

My limps freeze

Pungent smell’s in the breeze

Pair of red eyes glaring at me

They’re as real as my skin

Its presence consumes my sanity like acid

I sense its purpose hellish

Trap inside in this bungalow

Neither time nor place to be macho

Hungry for my blood, does it salivate?

As I sense movements, my heart levitates

To fear is what my feeling gravitates

Steps back till I reach the wall

Inevitably, this is where I’d fall

Death and time cannot be stalled

nyi

( 7.6.2010 )

 

Author's Note

i didn't mention clearly where or what it's about on what purpose i wrote, i do not know.and i named it 'Confrontation' although there wasn't any in my writing..weird...i just wrote it down..i might be confusing to read..is it? let me know some feedback pls..thanks

Reviews

[Dupree]

It's a good piece. The title works for me. I love your descriptions though i feel that one should be careful as to how they describe somethings.

[R E Tree]

Sounds like to me your about to be killed by something with red eyes. Could possibly be a animal like wolf. Or even a vampire or just a person with red eyes. I think your poem is well written. I was drawn to the title and more I read more I liked it. Cool and creepy

[J.Black]

Not a confusing read at all- actually I can relate! (how weird is that!)
You have great imagery happening, and I especially liked the lines: "Its presence consumes my sanity like acid" ... very clever! As for you not rhyming, that's fine. It's natural the way that you write which delivers it as something "real" and not just a word because it fit nicely off the tongue. Devons already caught your spelling mistakes, so kudos to that! .. and As for my own interpretation of this poem I would have to say that maybe its like a bad nightmare that's all in ones imagination. Although they are not asleep yet, sometimes I know from my own life, I have wicked thoughts before I go to bed that makes me very eerie to move or quiver or make alot of noise because I feel like "the creatures of the night" are watching me. Since it's night time, that's when they come out to play and I don't want them to use me as their main toy. Good write.

[nyi]

dear devons thanks for the comments..anyway..i didn't see the mistakes until you point them out..how ugly!.ahhh....i did that again..didn't check this properly before posting..ok..so how do i correct this on this web site? I didn't see any word that 'edit'..zzz..oh and thanks again for the comments..

[Devons]

I think it is a good thing that you find it difficult to write without rhyming - it shows you have a naturally lyrical style and way of thinking..! This is an interesting piece, and you capture the dark evil that lurks with mystery and perhaps metaphorical focus.. I particularly like the last line..

"Death and time cannot be stalled"

..I think this encapsulates with a kind of philosophical wisdom and warning that whatever "it" may be interpreted as, it is inevitable that we should face it one day...

PS. a couple typos: "limps" should be "limbs" and "trap" should be "trapped"..