A Suprising Return

London begins to see the true powers of the Library

         London went to school the next day despite still suffering from lag. This lag-she noted- was distinctly different from the one she had experienced before. When she opened her eyes the next morning -though the sun stung her eyes- she lacked the migraine that had crippled her the day before. She found that morning she was oddly elated. The toaster strudel she ate for breakfast was a bit more sweet. The bitterness of her coffee was a bit more comforting. The cold air that she walked into as she got into her car was a bit more refreshing. She took careful note of her mood as she attempted to warm her hands by placing them in front of the heater.

         "You would think the lag would be more painful considering I died yesterday. That's odd." She thought to herself. Then the radio turned on to her favorite station. London found after a minute or so of driving that she was moving her shoulders along to the beat of a song that she didn't even like. She laughed at herself. "What is wrong with me? It's way too early to be dancing." She said aloud.

          London was still humming when second period rolled around. When she walked into Pre-Calc, she was met with a friendly smile from a substitute teacher.

          "Well, there goes an entire day of class." London thought to herself as she sat down at her desk. The teacher passed out review packets that covered that last unit. London sighed and got to work. After a couple minutes, she heard an odd tapping sound. She looked up and saw that the person that sat next to her was rapping his pencil against the edge of her desk. When he got her attention, he asked,

         "Did you ever read The Catcher In The Rye?" London sat back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. Ryan was one of the top people in her class, one of those people that would sleep in class so that they could stay up all night to do homework. In all honesty, she had nothing against him. But the fact that he was asking her a question made her slightly suspicious of ulterior motives at work. Maybe he had a paper due next period and needed an outside opinion (Though this was unlikely because Ryan never seemed to want an outside opinion when he so believed that the only good opinion was his own).

         "Yeah." She said. "Last year."

         "What did you think of Holden?" He asked. She raised an eyebrow. "Did you like him?"

         "I kind of thought he was a brat. I mean, he has these great parents that were willing to send him to private school and has all the potential in the world but is too blinded by his own ignorance to be satisfied." London had just started speaking her thoughts without filtering them out. She then realized that she may have said too much. "Why?"

        "I find that you can find out a lot about a person from their thoughts on Catcher in the Rye." He then went back to his work, ending the conversation. London stared at him with a puzzled expression for a few seconds.

        "What an odd conversation. Why did he want to know?" She thought. She tilted her head to see what he was working on. It didn't look like an English assignment. But he didn't continue the exchange beyond that, so London tucked the encounter away in her mind and got back to work.

         At about third period, London began to really think about the day before. It started as fleeting thoughts about how she died yesterday, but then she began to really think about that phrase.

         "I died yesterday. I died." She got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as she thought those words. "Is that what dying is really like?" She thought about those final moments before everything went dark. "I died." She found she just couldn't  wrap her head around the idea. She wasn't getting anywhere by dwelling over those words, so she resolved to put it out of her mind until later.

         The hours crept by slowly, but she didn't mind. London kind of enjoyed the simple, constant school days. Every class was exactly where it was supposed to be. She never had to think too hard about anything. Most of the work was easy for her. She let the day pass by absently until the last bell rang. She left her school bag in her locker, carrying only a few needed books with her to her car. She threw her bag in the back seat and turned the key into the ignition. She was about to pull the vehicle forward when she experienced an odd series of thoughts. I don't need to go home. She thought. I could just stay here. I could just sit in the parking lot for as long as I wanted. This thought made her smile. The thought pleased her so much that she decided that that was exactly what she was going to do. She turned on the radio and pulled her chair back from the steering wheel. Not sure quite what to do next, feeling a bit weird about disrupting her own routine, London looked up at her school. Inevitably, her thoughts travelled back to the Wilkinson Mansion. She turned up the soft pop song that was playing. She had managed to take pictures and short videos in her mind of the place. She could see the great white staircases, she could see Cole walking calmly down the steps, and she could see the heavy door that lead to the mysterious library. As if in a trance, she reached back and took out her sketch pad and a pencil. Then she began to draw. The pencil scraped against the paper as London let her mind wander to other things. She thought it was amazing that Cole had grown up in that house. She tried to imagine what it looked like around Christmas time. She hoped that the Wilkinson's were the type of people that would go all out for Christmas. Tiny glowing lights hanging like icicles from the roof, maybe a wreath on the door. What an amazing place to grow up in. Suddenly, she got the image of Cole on his first day of school, and wished she knew him back then. Did he grow up knowing about the library? Or did his parents wait to tell him about it? She then began wondering about Cole's parents. What were they like? They must've been where Cole got his free spirit. London decided to end this chain of thought. She barely knew Cole. All she really knew was from the few times she had seen him. She had really only known him a couple days. A couple days. Her pencil hesitated with this thought. Two days. Is it possible that so many things can change that quickly? Two days ago, she thought the future had already been written for her. She would graduate towards the top of her class, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, raise them to college, and die. She knew things were likely to change, but now that she knew that there were things in the world beyond what humans could understand, how could her life ever be the same? The thought crossed her mind that maybe she could just forget this ever happened and move on with her life, and for a moment, she almost believed she would. Then she closely examined her drawing. The sketch had started out as a drawing of the white staircases, but she saw dozens of fervent lines around the door to the library which was unproportionally large. In fact, the door was the most detailed thing in the picture. And suddenly she was hit with a rush of impulsive energy. She put her sketch on the passenger seat, pulled her chair towards the dashboard, and pulled out of the parking space. Underneath the solid layers of determination, rational thought continued.

      "This is ridiculous, what do you think you'll accomplish? You can't just drive there for no reason." It said. London didn't listen. "Well fine, but once you get there, what are you going to say to Cole?" London thought this over carefully. She could tell him that she had some more questions about the library. She had never asked about the memory she had entered into on that first day. Was that in a book in his library now? Feeling confident that this would be an excuse worth making the drive to his house rather than just calling him, London made up her mind that this was what she was going to say.

         In less than fifteen minutes, she pulled into the long driveway. The voice of reason began speaking to her again, but this time London's ignorance was blatant. She left her things in the car and strode up the path to the door. She knocked twice on the door, crisp determined sounds that she was certain could be heard from the inside. But after a minute of listening closely, she picked up on a sound coming from behind the heavy door. It reminded her of music, but it was disjointed and she was unable to pick up a melody. She rang the doorbell. After another thirty seconds of waiting, the door opened. Music from within the great house rushed out the door. It was so loud that she actually flinched upon hearing it.

         "May I help you?" Cole asked, smiling at her reaction to the wall of sound. Whatever thoughts she had prepared had been knocked out of her.

         "Can you turn that down?" She asked, stalling having to give a reason for being there.

         "Why should I? Are you planning to stay?" He said, not moving from the door.

         "I hoped you would invite me in." She replied.

         "But if I invite you in, then I'll have to turn the music down." He said. London let out a harsh breath like a forced sigh.

         "Then why don't you come out here so we can talk?" She offered. Cole smiled, checked to see if the door was going to lock behind him, and stepped outside. The music stopped with the close of the door.

         "So what is it?" He asked. London's mouth was open, completely ready to give him an explanation. She reviewed her previous thoughts, but suddenly they made no sense. Something about how quiet it was outside compared to in the house. At least when there was music, there couldn't be an awkward silence. But now she found that she was just staring at Cole like a crazy person.

         "I- I came here because... I have a couple questions for you." She said, finally getting her thoughts straight. Cole reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He held it out to her.

         "You see this? This is called a phone. You put numbers into it and then you can talk to somebody without going to their house." He said as if he were talking to a small child. London's face started to get hot, it was probably red with embarrassment.

         "You don't need to be such a dick," she said. "I have every right to have questions. Two days ago... I never would've believed that something like The Library could happen. I-" Cole interrupted her with a laugh.

         "No, I get it. I'm just giving you a hard time. Come on in." He said, opening the door for her. London just stared at him a second with a look of disbelief. When she didn't move, Cole repeated himself. "Come in." London rolled her eyes and went inside. Cole immediately went to the television and turned it off, the pounding music stopped.

         "You know you'll go deaf if you listen to music that loud." London said as she put her coat on the hanger in the front hall.

         "Well then I better save up to get a hearing aide. Truth is, it's always so quiet when Edwin isn't here. But worse is that it's almost never totally quiet. I'll be sitting in my room and I'll hear something in the kitchen. I'll check the kitchen and I'll hear something in the upstairs. Large houses make too many sounds. The floors and ceilings creek. So yeah, i keep my music loud to drown out the sounds of my old house." He said. London went into the living room, Cole was looking out the window. She took to standing behind one of the couches.

          "Where is Edwin?" She asked.

          "He goes to school during the day. He'll be home soon."

          "He lives here?"

          "Yeah." London was going to ask why, but decided not to. "So what are your questions?" He asked. "You can sit down by the way." He said, nodding at the couch London was next to. She took a seat on the edge of the cushion closest to Cole.

          "When I went into that memory the first time... I mean, is that memory in the Library?" She asked. Cole nodded, looking from the window to London with a sad look to his face.

          "Is there some way to get it out?" she asked.

          "You mean get it back?" London gave him a confused look. "Think of it like a computer. The Library's books are basically external memory storage. When it's put into a book, you remember it through the book. I know it's a bit confusing. The only way to delete the eternal memory stored in the book, is to burn it. But once you burn it, it's gone. From the library and your mind."

           "Is this the voice of experience talking?" She asked.

           "Unfortunately."

           "What's it like then? To lose a memory?" Cole bit his lip.

           "It's like... I guess it's kind of like losing a tooth. There's just this hole in between your teeth were something used to be. You can tell that something used to be there, but in your memories, you can't remember what. Like, I know that one of the memories I lost was about the time I was six. I can't remember what happened. There's just this space. It's hard to explain." He said.

           "I think you explained it okay, I think I get it." London looked down at her feet. "So I guess that memory's gone forever." She said. "It's okay, it didn't have a huge impact on my life or anything." Then a thought occurred to her and she started to laugh.

          "What?" Cole asked with a puzzled expression.

          "This is just ridiculous." London said through laughs.

          "Little late for denial. I wish it were different."

          "No, this isn't reality. I must be locked up in an asylum somewhere with schizophrenia because this isn't how reality works." She said, she fell back onto the couch, still giggling.

          "Well what if you are? I mean, I know you aren't because I know I exist. But what if this is just a dream you can't wake up from?"

          "I guess then I have no choice to accept it." London sighed. "I must be crazy."

          "Doesn't that scare you?"

          "Normally it would, but not today." She said. "Can we go in one of my memories?" She asked. Cole raised an eyebrow.

          "You don't seem like yourself. Maybe we shouldn't."

          "You think I'm lagging?"

          "Yes." He said. "That or you're high."

          "Maybe both?" Cole shrugged.

          "Guess its possible." London sat up.

          "Come on, let's go somewhere!" Cole smiled.

          "You have something in mind?" He asked.

          "Hmm..." She thought about it. Then shook her head. "My life's boring."

          "It couldn't be that dull."

          "You don't know me." London said.

          "I guess I don't. I mean, it's a lot to expect from someone you just met." This caused a pause in London's train of thought. He was right, they hardly knew each other. She shook her head.

          "Maybe I should've just called." London said. He looked at her out of the corners of his Asian eyes.

          "Eh, I don't mind you being here. You're not terrible company, and I was bored anyways." This made London smile. Then an idea came to her.

          "Would you mind if I was completely selfish and picked a memory for my own personal gain rather than it being fun to visit?" She asked.

          "Not at all. I do that all the time." Cole said with a smile. London jumped up from the couch and half-ran half-skipped to the Library door.   

          She opened the door and ran inside. There was something so satisfying about being in the Library. It's seductive draw had brought London back into its cool depths again. While she rushed to a bookshelf where there were no labels on the bookbindings, Cole stood at the door. He examined the doorway. Even then, he understood something about the Library that London didn't. While it was alluring in its abilities, it had a tendency to complicate things. Neither one of them could see how, but Cole knew it just enough to have a slight fear of his beloved Library. He shook his head and entered into the cool air.

          London was waiting at the platform with a blank book and a naîve twinkle to her eyes.

          "So where are we going?" Cole asked as he walked towards the platform.

          "About a year ago, I dated this guy named Dylan for four months and then we broke up unexpectedly. I always suspected why, but never knew for certain."

          "Are you certain that you'll be able to figure out why by going to this memory?" He asked. London nodded.

          "As long as I'm able to stay in the memory after past me leaves it."

          "That's how it works. Are you going to faint again?" He asked.

          "Hopefully not."

          "Then let's go."

          Cole put his hand on the book and they both looked up the skylight.

          They appeared in a hallway. The floor was made of a solid, gray granite that the ugly fluorescent lights made appear sleek. The walls were lined with tan lockers. London recognized it as her high school. They had appeared in front of a classroom. London's peered inside and saw a class full of students. She could name them all. It was an odd feeling to see all of them a year younger. She hadn't noticed how their faces had changed over time, but now she could see it clearly. Cole nudged her with his elbow.

           "Is that Dylan?" He asked. London looked over. She had remembered his face perfectly, while she had forgotten what her peers had looked like a year ago. She was surprised to realize that she recognized the shirt he wore as being the one he wore on the day he broke up with her. She remembered both his present face and his face back then. She remembered how he used to have those deeply set dimples on his cheeks. She swallowed.

           "Yeah, that's him." She replied.

           Past London walked around the corner. She was minutely shorter than present London and had a bit more baby fat on her face.

           "You don't look very different." Cole said. Present London elbowed him in the side. "Ow! Why is that an insult? You were pretty back then like you are now." He said with an obviously forced smile. London 'shhh'ed him, saying that she wanted to hear.

           "Hey!" Past London said with a bright smile.

           "Hey." Dylan said. She met him with a light kiss. It looked like she was about to pulled away, but then he put his hands on her face and pulled her back. Cole shifted, examining the tan lockers around him. London remembered that kiss. She thought it was strange at the time. She had meant the kiss as a friendly 'hello' but then Dylan turned it into something else entirely. London watched Dylan move a hand to Past London's back. That was when she joined Cole in the examination of the lockers.

           "What was that for?" Past London whispered when they finally broke away. Present London mouthed Dylan's words as he said them.

           "We need to talk."

           "Oh that's never a good sign." Cole said. They then listened to the list of clichéd excuses such as 'I'm just really busy right now' and 'it's not you, it's me' as well as 'I think we're better off as friends'. Past London kept a stony look on her face until he had finished talking, then she said a polite 'goodbye' and then walked away. Dylan didn't go after her, he didn't ask if she was okay, that was the end of that.

           "You seemed to take that pretty well." Cole said to London.

           "You know, I decided the moment he said 'we need to talk' that he didn't deserve to see me upset. He didn't deserve to see me cry. So I didn't."

            Dylan leaned up against the lockers and put his hands in his pockets. His head was lowered, his eyes closed. He stood like that a full minute. London sighed. Then Dylan took out his phone and started texting someone.

            "Who is he texting?" Cole asked. London didn't have an answer. It wasn't two minutes until someone else had rounded the corner. It was a girl that London didn't know. She caught Dylan's gaze and smiled.

            "Hey." She said. Dylan walked up to her and kissed her on the lips.

            "I knew it!" London exclaimed. She looked up at Cole. He had a puzzled expression.

            "You seem awfully happy about that."

            "Well now I know. Now I have closure."

            "Aren't you at all mad? I mean, he probably cheated on you. What a dick!"  

            "I guess, but not really." She paused. "Can we go back now?" Cole nodded. He looked like he had something else to say, but held his tongue. London put her hand on his arm and the memory dissolved into a white mass.

             

            London's eyes opened to a stinging sensation. The skylight had reflected the sun just right so that she got a blast of white light upon opening her eyes. She closed them immediately, then opened them again. I'm back in the Library. She thought. The instant she realized this, her legs became as supportive as chopsticks and she started to fall. She heard a soft thud and felt Cole's arms around her; her descent to the floor was halted.

          "I'm fine!" She exclaimed. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine....I'm alright." Cole held onto her until she regained her balance, despite her words of reassurance. London realized that Cole had dropped the book in order to catch her. She took a few deep breaths; Cole didn't let her go. She looked up at him, he had a look of slight concern. "Okay, I'm fine. Thank you." Cole hesitated letting her go even then. But eventually, he did. They just stood on the platform a second. Rational thought was difficult in the Library, but London was able to compare this hesitation to others she had experienced. It reminded her of her first date with Dylan. He had dropped her off at her house and had come up to the door with her. She had her keys in the door and was about to open it when she realized that Dylan was still standing there. She had turned to him and said 'goodnight' again, but he still didn't move from her front porch. It was that hesitation to move that connected that moment to this one.

           What's going on? London's rational thought asked. Why aren't you moving? Why isn't he moving? And then it hit her. She wanted to kiss him. And judging by his hesitation, he did too. This realization alone brought rational thought back into the foreground of London's mind. Nope! Not going to happen! It called.

          "Umm... I better pick this up." London whispered, breaking the odd spell they both had been under. Cole nodded, blinking a couple of times.

          "You do that." He said. Cole stepped off the platform and ran a hand through his hair. London picked up the book and looked at his binding. It read:

                                The Liar's Breakup

        Fitting name. London thought.

        "Where do I put this?" She asked.

        "Um, you can put it on that shelf over there." Cole said, pointing at a shelf with only one other book on it. London walked over to it and placed the book next to the other. Then she examined the label on the other book.

                                The Discovery of Charlie

       That must've been the book from yesterday. She thought. Then something occurred to her.

       "Is this... my bookshelf?" She asked. Cole walked over and glanced at the books.

       "Yeah, I guess it is."

       "Which one is yours?" She asked. Cole strode across the Library to a bookshelf with what must've been at least ten books on it.

        "This one's mine." He said. Then he pointed to the one above it with only six books. "This one is mine and Edwin's."

        "How can it be both of yours?"

        "It's the memories we've had together."

        "That's sweet."

        "Yeah." Cole titled his head to the left so he could better read the labels. His face became distant, lost in the memories. He smiled. "There's a lot of them." Then he glanced at London. "Are you ever going to come back?"

        The question took her off guard. The answer came to her mind immediately. But she denied it for a moment. She didn't really understand why she would deny something like that, but she didn't understand how rationality could be muted in the Library. Her denial lasted only a second or two before her focus went back to Cole. How could she walk away from this amazing discovery? She didn't know what would happen next, but she knew anything could. It was a rare, exhilarating feeling to experience. It was this feeling that made her smile and respond.

       "Yes."