Nothing

The second to last paragraph was a line I thought up in the shower, and the rest developed around it. Wanted that line to be a closer to a poem, but I think the point was best presented as a story.

"I've been feeling... bad. Yeah, that's a good word for it, I guess. Just f*ckin' awful. Dunno why. Everything's fine."

She put the cigarette to her lips and inhaled. Held for a second, exhaled. Sighed.

"I guess it's just one of those days that kinda becomes a week and then longer."

I glanced over at her. We sat at a park bench, hoping to enjoy the scenery. We both knew she was getting worse. And we both knew what had to be done to help her. She just didn't want to.

I thought for a second. I finally said, "Well, you know nothing can kill you."

She halted mid-puff. She looked over, confused. "What? What does that mean?"

"Nothing can kill you, you heard me."

She scoffed. "If you mean that literally, then you're wrong. Everything can kill me if it gets done right. My own body can kill me if it wants to. If my immune system messes up, a cancerous cell grows out of control, or my appendix can just burst, or, y'know, my heart could just decide to give out. Everyone's a walking time bomb. What do you mean?"

I leaned back and stared ahead. "How about I give you nothing? Nothing to eat. Nothing to drink. Nothing to love or to love you. I'll give you nothing to hope for, nothing to look forward to. Nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to think about. It'll drive you crazy. Nothing to be excited about. Nothing to live for. I'll give you nothing at all."

At this point she had put out her cigarette. She looked down at the ground and didn't respond.

"Nothing can kill you, sweetie. And if nothing doesn't kill you, you'll wish anything would."

I noticed she had started crying. What I was saying wasn't just words. It was all she could relate to. I wrapped my arm around her and let her start sobbing. People walking by shot us confused glances, or pointedly walked a bit faster with their children so that they wouldn't stare. But the point was, nothing mattered. Nothing mattered more than anything, and that's why it was so hard for her. And when nothing is everything, it's hard to let go.